Styxx humor corner, Just for you!

[Styxx]

In an effort to keep you wonderful composers sane, I would love to bring you a little humor here everyday so as not to clutter up your posts. If that is OK by Gary and the GPO Mod Squad then I shall endeavor to bring you a little laughter to brighten your day and hopefully render a bit of relaxation while your composing (or decomposing). Of course, you may still hear from me from time to time if it feels good on a post!
Comments, questions, concerns and input welcome.

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, \"What are you doing there, Nancy?\"

\"My goldfish died,\" replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, \"and I\'ve just buried him.\"

The neighbor was very concerned. \"That\'s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn\'t it?\"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, \"That\'s because he\'s inside your fricking cat.\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

These I found looking for favorite food for musicians;

Mozart-rella cheese
Little Debussy snack cakes
Chef Boyardee Raveli
sour cream and Ives
chocolate Webers (wafers)
Oscar Meyerbeer bologna
Honey-nut Berlioz
Hummel microwave meals
orange Schubert
TchaiCOUGHsky drops
marshMahlers
Rossini and cheese
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Karl Garrett]

Have at it, man.

[Styxx]

My answer to \"Cymbal Swells and Timpani Swells\" but I didn\'t have the heart to reply on the post;
Well, usually when I want my cymbals and timpani to swell I beat them with a club untill they are all black and blue...no no no geezze, the man\'s serious here.

How are trumpets like pirates?
They are both murder on the high C\'s.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

Howlers in Musical Education

These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state of Missouri...

Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
Refrain means don\'t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.

MY FAVORITE!
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.

Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.
Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.
An opera is a song of bigly size. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

In continuation:

Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.

An opera is a song of bigly size.

In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he really loves.
Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live happily ever after.

When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.

I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.

Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

And still:

A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the odium.<(not a typo)
Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy.
Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and McCoys. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
My favorite composer is Opus.
A harp is a nude piano. (is this true?)
A tuba is much larger than its name.
Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras. (like GPO)
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

I hope you are enjoying!

[UNIX_GURU]

[ QUOTE ]
A harp is a nude piano. (is this true?)

[/ QUOTE ]

I never thought of it that way, sounds about right /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Joseph Burrell]

Don\'t knock it until you\'ve tried it. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

Unix - now I\'m doing it to my Ovation. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

And in contusion -
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif < denotes my favorites.

You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more cellos.
Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just stick with the first name and learn it good.
A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
Question: What are kettle drums called?
Answer: Kettle drums.
Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.
Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Answer: Yes. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a person is elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin real good.
For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line of flute music. You just watch.
I can\'t reach the brakes on this piano! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
The main trouble with a French horn is it\'s too tangled up. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor.
Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.
The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.
Tubas are a bit too much. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.
I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow or Friday be best?
My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm . /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[UNIX_GURU]

[ QUOTE ]
What ARE you doing to that guitar?

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey with a guitar this sexy you can\'t help but want to stroke it /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif


Aaron

[Giorgio Tommasini]

Thank you Styxx, it was badly needed.

[Alan Lastufka]

Styxx,

Thanks for starting my long Saturday in the office off on the right foot! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Sorry I didn\'t get to your e-mail last night, but the RE: should be in your in-box now (hopefully, I\'ve been having some e-mail troubles /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif )

[Styxx]

Anytime Giorgio!
Hey, I think my family has relatives living in Genova!

[Styxx]

No problem my pleasure. You should try the left foot. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

A top movie producer was discussing his new project, an action docu-drama about famous composers... starring several familiar Hollywood faces. Stallone, Swarzenegger, and Van Damme were present. The producer really desired the box office \"oomph\" of these three, so they were prepared to allow them to select which famous composer they would portray.

\"Well,\" Stallone said, \"I\'ve always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.\"

\"Chopin has always been my favorite,\" said Van Damme, \"I\'ll play him.\" The producer was pleased.

\"That sounds splendid. But who do you want to be, Arnold?\"

\"I\'ll be Bach.\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold\'s violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, \"For pity\'s sake, can\'t you play something the dog doesn\'t know?\"

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, \"Ah, yes, that\'s Beethoven\'s Ninth Symphony, beingplayed backwards.\"

He listened a while longer, and said, \"There\'s the Eighth Symphony, and it\'s backwards, too. Most puzzling.\" So the magistrate kept listening; \"There\'s the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth...\"

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in thecemetery, \"My fellow citizens, there\'s nothing to worry about. It\'s just Beethoven decomposing.\"

[Styxx]

Beethoven goes into a bar and tells the bartender, \"I just got rid of all of my chickens.\" The bartender says \"Why\'d you do that?\" Beethoven says, \"I couldn\'t take it anymore. Bach, bach, bach, bach, bach, bach, all the time! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

A man walks into a bar and sits down and the bar tender asks, \"what\'el it be\"? And the man says, he goes he says he went he goes he says he goes he went he... Wait, let me start over.
A man walks into a bar and sits down and the bar tender asks, \"what\'el it be\"? And the man says, he goes he says he went, he goes, he says, he goes, he went, he...
Wait.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Alan Lastufka]

Time to give Styxx a run for his money:


Five reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message \"Bad command or file name\" is about as informative as, \"If you don\'t know why I\'m mad at you, then I\'m certainly not going to tell you.\"

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Hardy Heern]

Styxx,

I liked that a lot...

Thanks

Frank

[Alan Lastufka]

Okay, just to show I\'m not sexist, here it is for the ladies:


Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

[Styxx]

I\'m running...but my wife has all the money!
That was much needed after programming music, blocking all night, and then running to rehearsal this morning!
Thanks Alan! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

A violinist says to his wife, \"Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin.\"
His wife replies, \"I\'d rather have you play me like a harmonica!\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

[trentpmcd]

[ QUOTE ]
A man walks into a bar and sits down and the bar tender asks, \"what\'el it be\"? And the man says, he goes he says he went he goes he says he goes he went he... Wait, let me start over.
A man walks into a bar and sits down and the bar tender asks, \"what\'el it be\"? And the man says, he goes he says he went, he goes, he says, he goes, he went, he...
Wait.... /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess it\'s universal - this is the reason I only play people my recorded music and never put on live shows......

[Styxx]

What happens if you play blues music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Jun Yamamoto]

Styxx,

May I borrow this one to my \"American Dirty Joke\" page of my web site?

BTW, the page is in Japanese language, of course. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

Jun,
Go ahead, it was free to begin with! When am I going to hear another wonderful piece?

[Shazbot]

A priest, a nun and a rabbi walk into a bar, and the bartender says, \"What is this... some kind of joke?\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif

Hmmm, I notice Mike doesn\'t post any drummer jokes... I wonder why??? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[thesoundsmith]

A guy walks into a bar with a rabbit under one arm, his other arm slowly bleeding and orders a Scotch and a lettuce leaf. The bartender looks quizzically at him, but goes back to the kitchen and returns with the lettuce leaf, pours the drink and sets it down on from of him. The rabbit tosses off the Scotch in one gulp and the man chews at the lettuce, then places it over the bleeding spot on his arm.

The bartender asks, \"Whatssup?\"

The man answers, \"Well, this is the hare of the dog that bit me, and I\'m just trying to win the 18000th post!\"

dasher

[thesoundsmith]

Sorry, that was terrible - I thought I had a punch line, but could not for the life of me fimd a funny use for the lettuce - just the juxtaposition of the rabbit having the drink and the man eating the lettuce wasn\'t enough - anybody got a better opunch line?

Please? /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Dasher (still tooearly, oh well, I\'m goin\' to Disneyland...)

[Shazbot]

Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first guy do it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What\'s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some \"real\" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says \"I\'ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordian.\"
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies \"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator\'s got to stay\".

[Styxx]

Here ya go Shaz!

Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don\'t have to retrain the drummers.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.

How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

Now you can\'t say I never thought of you~ /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

Say it aint so! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

I used to play with a keyboardist in a top 40 band during the 80\'s. Insisting that he had perfect meter, He used to slam his right foot constantly through the songs to keep time. One gig, the guitar player and I set a metronome to the tempo of a blues shuffle. The piano player got so ticked off cause he couldn\'t keep in tempo with the met that he kicked it accross the dance floor.
His explaination was that he was the time keeper and that the met was malfunctioning.
Go figure.

[bmpsound]

Speaking of flakey keyboardists, also in the 80\'s, our top-40 club band was playing in a total dive of a bar (fights usually broke out between chicks) when all of a sudden the keyboard parts suddenly stopped! We all turned to see what the problem was and found the keyboardist paying the pizza delivery man for the pizzas! That was followed by only right-handed playing as he ate with his left hand.

Steve Barden

[Styxx]

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo\'s most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

The next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it\'s a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime.

However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion\'s cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.

Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.

Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, \"Help, Help me!\", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, \"Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

Headline news in this mornings paper reads;

\"Spiders all over the world are complaining that GPOers have been using webs for chat sessions on Fridays without authorization from the arachnid community\"! Complaints from spiders all over the world of their webs being filled with chatter about orchestra and samples of works by human composers. The leader of the \"Swinging Society of Arachnids\" Mr. Daddy Long Legs states that they demand compensation in the form of several favorite insects in compensation for not being able to catch them during the time their webs are in use.
Further details to follow.

Ahhhh let them eat flies!
/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: \"10 lamb chops, please.\"
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog\'s mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the \"stop\" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: \"What the hell are you doing? This dog\'s a genius!\"

The owner responds, \"Genius, my [:)]. It\'s the second time this week he\'s forgotten his key!\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.

Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.

The man somewhat nervously said, \"I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.\"

\"Suit yourself,\" the farmer replied, \"the hens are round the back.\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

What\'s the range of a tuba?
Twenty yards if you\'ve got a good arm! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

Some of you may not of read this one. Then again....
This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, \"I\'ll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him.\"
Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can\'t play their instruments.

The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.

The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.

The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set of bagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn\'t be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.

After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, \"Come on now! Play it!\"

The octopus replies, \"What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaid pajamas off of it, I\'m gonna screw it!\" /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Styxx]

Q: What\'s the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. We\'re still trying to find out too

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can\'t find the key and doesn\'t know when to come in.

Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven\'s 9th symphony.

However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house.

However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders.

The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn\'t matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk.

Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out.

One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell.

Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Garritan]

Thanks Styxx,

You humor is just what is needed to put a smile on our faces after a tough weekend.

Much appreciated. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Gary Garritan

[Styxx]

Man, you\'ve said it brother!
Anything to keep you guys from stressing too much. My pleasure. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Styxx]

This utta hold the little buggers till I get back (for all the upcoming birthdays in May & June)
You Know You’re Getting Older When
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You don\'t know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
You don\'t remember being absent minded.
You don\'t remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.
You enjoy hearing about other people\'s operations.
You feel like the morning after when you haven\'t been anywhere the night before.
You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.
You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.
You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for friends who exercise.
You get winded playing chess.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don\'t feel good.
You have more patience; but actually, it\'s just that you don\'t care any more.
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
You just can\'t stand people who are intolerant.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing \"Kumbaya.\"
You look both ways before crossing a room.
You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.
You look forward to a dull evening.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.
You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.
You sit in a rocking chair and can\'t get it going.
You start video taping daytime game shows.
You take a metal detector to the beach.
You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
You wake up, looking like your driver\'s license picture.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don\'t even remember being on top of it.
You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your best friend is dating someone half his or her age and isn\'t breaking any laws.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your knees buckle and your belt won\'t.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.
Your mind makes contracts your body can\'t keep.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can\'t remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
You\'re asleep, but others worry that you\'re not.
You\'re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.
You\'re sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
You\'re suffering from Mallzheimer\'s disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car.

I\'ll be Bach! /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[UNIX_GURU]

[ QUOTE ]
You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

[/ QUOTE ]

Does Weird Al Yankovic count?

Many of those apply to me even though I am very young!

[Styxx]

What do you call a group of drummers standing in a circle?

A dope ring.

Mike (styxx) wanted me to put this in for ya. It took me several tries.

philharmonic