Some musical terms.

[Styxx]

The list is quite large but here are a few to start off with. Enjoy the dang blasted it's all over the place! :D

Glossary of music terms
Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e.g. "Y'all sang that real good!"
Accidentals: Wrong notes
Ad Libitum: A premiere.
Agitato: A string player's state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece.
Agnus dei: A famous female church composer.
Allegro: Leg fertilizer.
Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed.
Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient's lacking ability to make decisions.
Augmented fifth: A 36-ounce bottle.
Bar Line: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.
Beat: What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.
Bravo: Literally, "How bold!" or "What nerve!" This is a spontaneous expression of appreciation on the part of the concertgoer after a particularly trying performance.
Breve: The way a sustained note sounds when a violinist runs out of bow.
Broken consort: When somebody in the ensemble has to leave and go to the restroom.
Cadence: When everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't.
Cadenza: The heroine in Monteverdi's opera "Frottola".
Cantus firmus: The part you get when you can only play four notes.
Chansons de geste: Dirty songs.
Chord: Usually spelled with an "s" on the end, means a particular type of pants, e.g. "He wears chords."
Chromatic Scale: An instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds.

[lukpcn]

LMAO :D

[provette82]

Orchestra - a group of soloists with a pancreatic condition and bad eye sight.
Trumpet - a really really good hand in bridge

[FireGS]

You're nuts, styxx...

[Styxx]

I like this one. :D
Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony.
However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house.
However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders.
The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk.
Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out.
One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell.
Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.

[FireGS]

Theres really nothing i can say to that...

[Styxx]

More terms - :D
Clausula: Mrs. Santa first name.
Coloratura Soprano: A singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for it.
Compound Meter: A place to park your car that requires two dimes.
Con Brio: Done with scouring pads and washboards.
Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
Conductus: The process of getting Vire into the cloister.
Counterpoint: A favorite device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection between these two facts has been established. Still taught in many schools, as a form of punishment.
Countertenor: A singing waiter.
Crescendo: A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
Crotchet: 1) A tritone with a bent prong. 2) It's like knitting, but it's faster. 3) An unpleasant illness that occurs after the Lai, if prolation is not used.
Cut time: When you're going twice as fast as everybody else in the ensemble.
Da capo al fine: I like your hat!
Detache: An indication that the trombones are to play with the slides removed.
Di lasso: Popular with Italian cowboys.
Discord: Not to be confused with Datcord.
Drone: The sound of a single monk during an attack of Crotchet.
Ductia: 1) A lot of mallards. 2) Vire's organum.
Duration: Can be used to describe how long a music teacher can exercise self-control.
Embouchre: The way you look when you've been playing the Krummhorn.
English horn: A woodwind that got its name because it's neither English nor a horn. Not to be confused with French horn, which is German.
Espressivo: Close eyes and play with a wide vibrato.

[stevegoers]

Discord: Not to be confused with Datcord.


This one's my favorite! :D

Thanks, Styxx, LMAO is a great way to start the morning.

[Styxx]

This one's my favorite! :D

Thanks, Styxx, LMAO is a great way to start the morning.

N.P.! Here's my favorite!
Di lasso: Popular with Italian cowboys.:D

[Jerry W.]

N.P.! Here's my favorite!
Di lasso: Popular with Italian cowboys.:D

I haven't laughed so hard in a while! My wife was wondering what was wrong with me. (Well, she has a point there) but she was referring to my hysterical laughing. I was laughing so much I couldn't stop to tell her - seeing me laugh so much caused her to laugh. She had no idea what was so funny, but she is still giggling. I just told her some of the jokes. She is cracking up too. (she is a musician as well)

My fav is counterpoint. He he he. :D

WOW Thanks! I needed this!

:) Jerry Wickham

[Styxx]

Oh NO! There's MORE? :D

Estampie: What they put on letters in Quebec
Fermata: A brand of girdle made especially for opera singers.
Fermented fifth: What the percussion players keep behind the tympani, which resolves to a 'distilled fifth', which is what the conductor uses backstage.
Fine: That was great!
Flute: A sophisticated pea shooter with a range of up to 500 yards, blown transversely to confuse the enemy.
Garglefinklein: A tiny recorder played by neums.
Glissando: The musical equivalent of slipping on a banana peel. Also, a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
Gregorian chant: A way of singing in unison, invented by monks to hide snoring.
Half Step: The pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.
Harmonic Minor: A good music student.
Harmony: A corn-like food eaten by people with accents (see above for definition of accent).
Hemiola: A hereditary blood disease caused by chromatics.
Heroic Tenor: A singer who gets by on sheer nerve and tight clothing.
Hocket: The thing that fits into a crochet to produce a rackett.
Hurdy-gurdy: A truss for medieval percussionists who get Organistrum.
Interval: How long it takes you to find the right note. There are three kinds: Major Interval: a long time; Minor Interval: a few bars; Inverted Interval: when you have to go back one bar and try again.
Intonation: Singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in the Middle Ages
Isorhythm: The individual process of relief when Vire is out of town.
Isorhythmic motet: When half of the ensemble got a different photocopy than the other half
Lai: What monks give up when they take their vows.
Lamentoso: With handkerchiefs.
Lasso: The 6th and 5th steps of a descending scale.
Lauda: The difference between shawms and krummhorns
Longa: The time between visits with Vire.
Major Triad: The name of the head of the Music Department. (Minor Triad: the name of the wife of the head of the Music Department.)
Mean-Tone Temperament: One's state of mind when everybody's trying to tune at the same time.
Messiah: An oratorio by Handel performed every Christmas by choirs that believe they are good enough, in cooperation with musicians who need the money.
etronome: A dwarf who lives in the city.
Minim: The time you spend with Vire when there is a long line. Breve: The time you spend when the line is short.
Minnesinger: A boy soprano or Mickey's girlfriend in the opera.:D
Modulation: "Nothing is bad in modulation."
Motet: Where you meet Vire if the cloister is guraded.
Musica ficta: When you lose your place and have to bluff till you find it again. Also known as 'faking'.
Neums: Renaissance midgets
Opus: A penguin in Kansas.
Orchestral suites: Naughty women who follow touring orchestras.
Ordo: The hero in Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings".
Organistrum: A job-related hazard for careless medieval percussionists, caused by getting one's tapper caught in the clapper.
Organum: You may not participate in the Lai without one.

[Jerry W.]

Styxx, where are you getting these? or are these your own definitions coming from the dark recesses (or is that just recess?) in your head?

:)

You and Gary Larson seem to be kindred spirits.

Jerry :)

[trentpmcd]

I’ve been asking about some terms but haven’t gotten any good responses, but this seems a good place to ask. Can you help me out?

I’ve asked about the "semi-demi-quaver" but people get short with me. I assume it’s of little note.

When I ask about "meter" people don’t seem to have the time. Does this term really count? And I was barred from getting an answer about the term "measure", they seem to draw the line here. I was wondering: in the metric system meter is a unit of measure, so in music is measure a unit of meter?

I got a rise out of the term "augmented" and people talk to me sharply while my entireties for a definition of the term "diminished" fall flat, I guess I should lower my expectations.

When I asked about "clef", the soprano just said "g" while the bass started to say the f-word. I could c the alto and tenor would be no help. I mean, I asked the whole staff and got a range of answers.

I asked about the term "rest" and heard only silence – an answer of no note at all.

Oh well, at least my question about the term "triad" struck a chord.

By the way, I hope you post the definition of "Vire" soon - her name, I mean that term, seems to have popped up quite a bit. Or was that "organum"?

[Styxx]

"semi-demi-quaver" - Demi Moore running half naked in a snow storm. :D

[Styxx]

trent, I am out of depends so knock it off! :D :D :D

[Styxx]

Found this one for you too. :D

How to buy a stereo
1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.
2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible, preferably blinking and flashing in time with the music.
3. The components should all have black metal finish, and generally look very cool.
4. The system should be broken up into as many components as possible. (e.g. pre-amp, pre-pre-amp, pre-menstrual-amp, post-amp, post-menopause-amp, etc.)
5. The most important part of a stereo system is the speakers, they should look very cool. Size and number of sub-speakers and varieties of components pointed at the listener is important. (e.g. tweeters, hooters, sub-woofers, super-sub-woofers, seismic noise generators, etc.)
6. The system should resemble the cockpit of an F16 or 757 aircraft; the more knobs and dials you can turn, the better.
7. The system should have full remote control capability, including over the mobile auto cellular phone so that the stereo can be playing as you get home.
8. Should have the capability of playing different music in every room of the house.
9. Components should have a cool names; this means no department store brands.
10. The complete set-up should put a major recording studio or large radio station to shame. After all, you may be trying to duplicate the exciting feeling of being at a heavy metal concert in a football stadium with 70,000 screaming fans.
11. Having state-of-the-art equipment is not enough. You should be a year or two ahead of everyone else. Equipment over the warranty period is obsolete and should be disposed of promptly.
12. The most important factor--out of everyone you know who owns stereo equipment, yours should be better.

[thesoundsmith]

Metronome: A dwarf who lives in the city.

Sorry, Styxx - these guys are fairly rare creatures, found only in the Paris subway.

[SeanHannifin]

:D :D :D :D :D

You really ought to write a dictionary . . .

[FredProgGH]

Found this one for you too. :D

How to buy a stereo


You forgot the other most important one:

The stereo must cost more than the annual salary of anyone you show it to, or you lose the game.

[FredProgGH]

Messiah: An oratorio by Handel performed every Christmas by choirs that believe they are good enough, in cooperation with musicians who need the money.


If only I could go back in time one month with this emblazoned on a tee shirt. :mad: