this post needs to be deleted
this post needs to be deleted
I will continue to write, but I will not look for a spotlight
If you continue to write, the spotlight will find you. Whether this is something you want or not, I don’t now.
I have experienced much of the same thing you describe. Some of the magic seemed to lessen from Beethoven’s 9th when I learned how to identify and construct chord progressions.
Your true happiness is all that matters, wherever you may find it. But may I humbly offer to you this thought: Experiencing the universe to its true potential involves sharing it with others. You were given a true gift. It is not your duty to share that gift, but in sharing comes true appreciation for all that is around us.
I left to find a deserted Island for the same reasons. I still live here but I found that no matter where I hide, the passion of music finds me. You are correct in that obsessing on one thing leads to losing all else. However, one can achieve great things without obsessing. If you write music for yourself, others will enjoy it. If you write for others, you will not. It took a long time for me to figure this out.
You have the symptoms of true genius. This is a gift and sometimes a burden. But by sharing, it becomes less a burden and more a gift. Beethoven was not a happy man by many accounts, but where else would he have found it? Maybe it is selfishness that I’m glad he stayed with it rather than pursue a different course. And maybe it is my own selfishness that urges you to continue to expose your work to the world…then again, maybe not.
What ever you decide to do, I wish you the best Ms. Davis. But most of all, continued happiness.
"So what if some parts of life are a crap shoot? Get out there and shoot the crap." -- Neil Peart
Well said. Nicole, I understand how you feel. But for my money, nothing is as satisfying as creating great music with a band of powerful, dedicated players. Most of my most joyous, spiritual moments have come from playing (not necessarily on stage) with the people I have been fortunate enough to join with artistically.You have the symptoms of true genius. This is a gift and sometimes a burden.
Music can be an obsession, if you find the rest of your life passing you by, you may be tempted to abandon it to see the green grass of 'a life.' But for me, this IS life, and that world passing by out there is the paint gather to splash onto my compositional and improvisitory canvas. Sometimes I hate what I'm playing (New York, New York) or where I'm playing (snotty and snooty hotels) but then the next song turns it all around. I play because that is what I DO.
So do what you must, but watch out - frequently what you must do is the very thing you are trying to get away from. And with talent like you demonstrate here, you'll need to quote the Governator - I'll be back!!
Life is too short NOT to be consumed by one thing, if that one thing has the depth and spirituality of music...
It's all about the music - really. I keep telling myself that...
There's a lot of truth is what you said. Not just in music, but in all forms of art. Fame and fortune are too often made goals in life. I will remember your advice on my journey.
If you can only find beauty in music, and decide to devote your life to it, I can understand that. But I'd rather soak in all the other wonders life has to offer along with it.
Family is all that matters. Sometimes we lose sight of the simplest things in life that are our lives. I can whole heartily agree with everything you are saying. I too have found myself taking up most of my time on the PC since I was introduce to all of this. It's a great world but one has to step back and put it in perspective. Make it work for you not against you. I saw myself heading in the same direction and have since learned to set a certain reasonable time aside for it. Of course, being a musical director demanded almost all of my time and it started to show. Now I set aside an hour a day for this and take the time I used to use and spend more with the family.
I guess what I am trying to say is you are not alone. And, maybe what I am also saying is a possible compromise with yourself and all of this. Take some time away and revaluate and restructure your priorities to where this is like taking a break and venting from whatever. A half hour a day or and hour every other day? I am sure we all would not like to see you leave us entirely! Your music (whether you realize it or not) is a great inspiration to us. I enjoy hearing your works and look forward to them. Maybe, once in a while pop in with a new piece. Take your time we'll all be here. Relax and enjoy your family and remember there is another family here that loves you too!
I hope you understand what I am saying. Sometimes I have trouble putting thoughts into words correctly. I respect your decision and will miss you if it is very well a permanent one. But, who shall I write and search for Barbie jokes now?
Take care and I for one will miss your input and knowledge not to mention the great music that is you.
No greater path than the one I walk with you... < I wrote this for my wife and still feel the same after ten years. Follow your heart Nicole!
Thank you Nicole for all you have contributed in your short time, your posts will be missed. I hope you find happiness in all aspects of life, be it, your music hobby, your family and/or yourself.Originally Posted by Nicole
I have no parting words of wisdom to offer back (too young for all of that stuff yet) but I will say 'thank-you' and 'enjoy living your life'...
...whatever you choose to do, you will do it well.
Nicole, if you must...here's one for the road.
A Barbie Christmas
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you
out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather,
and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties,
and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY
PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around
here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a
nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be
around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy,
oversized sweat shirt. I'm sick of looking like a
hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits
gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like
to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off.
Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!?
It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe G.I. Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me
Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken.
And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have
to suffer with him, at least make him (and me)
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned
Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you
have to twist, just get it done.
6. A jogging bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just
don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better
yet, an advertising account exec.
8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete
with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie
dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights
Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with
a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie",
sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped
with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is
wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years. I think
I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable
contribution to society, I don't think these requests
are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find
yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's
Thank you all, I will respond this once. Have a clearer head this morning after finally getting some sleep.
When I get involved in music to much I become almost depressed and obsessive to the point where I start neglecting more important things, like my child. That in itself can not be replaced and does not deserve to be in second place as my life goal, she deserves first. I have never found a spiritual connection with music like you said. Only frustration and obsession. Even when others do hear it it doesnt make me feel any better. Its like that pizz thing I posted on the other board, I wrote that all down on the sonar staff once thru(hence the critisism on realism) because it came so easy yet at the same time the whole process felt aggravating(not to mention the complete neglection my daughter got while I was doing this). I dont feel complete ever with music, but I do when I spend most of my time with my daughter.
Thank you all for your kind and understanding responses. Styxx thanks for the barbie jokes I might just skim thru here just to look for your humor But, nonetheless I cannot go back to full time music ever. I tried this "once" hopeing it would be different and immediatly the feeling of unease came back and the obsessions started.
Thanks gary for putting up that segment(I started working on it more but stepped back and said no, it will have to wait for another day so I put it back on the shelf so to speak) on your website. I fufilled atleast one persons aspirations for me(not my own!). Thank you.
Strange how many of us share the same experience. After college, when I became a full time musician, I also lost my love of music. It became a job. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I wouldn't want too do anything else to earn a living. But, I found myself never putting on music to listen to for enjoyment anymore.
I turned 50 a few months ago and have been re-evaluating my life the last few years. I discovered the biggest waste of time in my life. Television. I've probably wasted years of my life watching the tube. Don't watch it at all now. Period.
Now my wife and I put aside time every evening to do a different sport, bicycling, roller blading, kayaking, hiking, etc. Taking evening college courses. (learning sign language now) That balance is very helpful in putting things in perspective.
And now I've regained my passion for music. Writing music for myself is what I needed. That creative aspect now is just as important to me as being physically active everyday.
Nicole, I know you'll make the right decisions for yourself. Thank you for your time here and sharing your music with us.
I fully understand what you write.
What a sober perspective you have. You have a fabulous gift of music and you have a more precious gift which is your child. Being a parent is more important than anything else.
It is evident that your real love and passion in life is your daughter and the life you are creating for her. Neither music nor the forum will come even close to the fulfillment your child brings.
For many men the realization of the importance of family does not come until it is too late. Perhaps your post will serve as a wake up call to consider how we spend our time, how we order our priorities and how we find balance in our lives.
Your presence on the forum has been inspiring and appreciated - not only with your music but for who you are. I would hate to see you leave music coldturkey. I did that once and it had unintended side effects and made me miserable. It took a while to find a healthy balance.
Nicole, we value your presence here. Consider the forum a place to be among friends and I hope you will visit your friends from time to time.