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Topic: As a moderator ...

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Mar 2004
    Location
    West Seneca, NY
    Posts
    11,075

    As a moderator ...

    I will strive to make sure all posts are in the best interest of the GPO community. Therefore, it must be said that every time you read a post from me you will undoubtedly read a clean well-written extra intelligent and tasteful post.

    Well, maybe someday but definitely not today!
    Which reminds me -
    A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

    "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

    He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

    "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

    The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

    "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

    "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

    "You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
    Styxx

  2. #2

    Re: As a moderator ...

    hahaha, that's awful...yet so amusing
    Tim

  3. #3

    Re: As a moderator ...

    Nice Styxx. The great thing about being a moderator is that you don't have to worry about being banned!!

    But then, the forum would never have been the same without you, so we are all very happy to have you as our mod.

  4. #4

    Re: As a moderator ...

    That's the best joke I've heard in a long while, thank you!
    Sean Patrick Hannifin
    My MP3s | My Melody Generator | my album
    "serious music" ... as if the rest of us are just kidding

  5. #5
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    West Seneca, NY
    Posts
    11,075

    Re: As a moderator ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Sepheritoh
    Nice Styxx. The great thing about being a moderator is that you don't have to worry about being banned!!

    But then, the forum would never have been the same without you, so we are all very happy to have you as our mod.
    I am banned! Banned from the local Pub. Banned from snorting jelly fish. Banned from being narmal. Banned from wearing long Johns Silvers slippers. Banned from having a brain. Banned from banning you from getting a band together with the rest of us who are banned!

    Ever get the feline I ant all thar? Well, bust my buttons! That's a horse of a different color it is!
    Styxx

  6. #6

    Re: As a moderator ...

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    Banned from snorting jelly fish.
    Yeah, I know what you mean there. I used to snort coke, but the bubbles kept tickling my nose...
    Christopher Duncan
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Author of
    Unite the Tribes and The Career Programmer
    www.PracticalUSA.com


  7. #7

    Re: As a moderator ...

    Let's see if I can translate a few more barjokes from dutch...


    Styxx is sitting at the bar of his local pub.
    The owner, Ron, has a riddle for him.
    'It's not my brother, yet it's still a son of my father... who is it?'
    Styxx thinks and thinks real hard too, but he can't figure it out.
    'It's so easy' the bartender said.... 'it's me !!!'

    Styxx thinks it's hilarious and runs home to his wife.
    'I have a riddle for you' he sais.
    'It's not my brother, yet it's still a son of my father... who is it?'
    His wife thinks and thinks real hard too, but she can't figure it out either.
    'Oh woman... it's so easy' Styxx yells out... 'it's Ron from the local pub !!'

  8. #8

    Re: As a moderator ...

    It's almost Halloween, so lets add a ghost....

    A guy with a severe hunchback is sitting at a bar one evening, getting pretty drunk.
    After a while he askes the bartender what time it is and to his shock it's allmost midnight.
    'Oh my wife is gonna kill if I'm not home before midnight' he yells 'and it takes me at least 15 minutes to get through town, does anybody know a shortcut, please !!!'
    The bartender said, 'well..... you could cross the graveyard... that would cut 5 minutes'
    The guy jumps of his seat, runs to the door and heads for the graveyard.
    Allthough he is a brave man, being at a graveyard around midnight, gives him the creeps.
    At that time he hears a distant clock strike twelf, he feels shivers going through his body and just when he mans himself a gruweling voice speaks out to him...

    'BWOOOAAAAAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAA... I'm the ghost of the graveyard... what's wrong with your back ?'
    'I...I.....I.....I have a hunchback' the man replies.
    'Let me take care of that' the ghost answers and all of a sudden, the man's spline corrects itself and he can walk home with a perfectly good back.
    The next day in the pub everyone is wondering and asking about his back and ofcourse he telss his story.
    A guy with a wooden leg is listening with great interest, thinking... hmmm, maybe that ghost can help me too.....

    That night he walks to the graveyard, waits for the clock to strike and then.....

    'BWOOOAAAAAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAA... I'm the ghost of the graveyard... what's wrong with your back ?'
    'Ehr.. huh.. with my back???... nothing !!
    'Oh... well then... here's a hunchback...'


  9. #9

    Re: As a moderator ...

    Nice jokes guys. OK, here's one that I loved when I was a kid and my dad and I still joke about it.


    There was a haunted room in a high class hotel. The only thing in the room itself was a wooden table with a one dollar bill on it. The ledgend goes, that if any tries to take the dollar bill, a ghostly form will appear and drive you insane.

    So three friends hear about the ghostly dollar and decide to see if it is actually true. So they rent the room for the night and they decide to take turns going into the room to try to take the dollar.

    The first friend says, "I'll be out in five minutes or less." He walks into the empty room and sees the dollar on the table. "This is going to be easier than I thought", He said to himself. He strolled to the middle of the room and reached for the dollar. Just as he picked it up, a morbidly, disfigured ghost appeared and said in a terrible voice, "I'm the ghost of Mary Mable. Put that dollar back on the table!!!" The young man was so striken with fear that he happened to fall out of the only window in the room as he was backing away from the ghost.

    Outside, the other two friends wondered what the commotion was as they heard their friend scream on the way down. Giving each other a troubled look, the next frien decided that he would go in next. "Good luck", Ralph, the final friend said.

    Moments passed, then suddenly, Ralph, heard the same kind of rukus. Curious, he stuck his head in the room and saw that it was completely empty except for the wooden table with the dollar on it. He cautiously walked into the room and to the table. Just as he picked up the dollar, the ghost appeared and said "I'm the ghost of Mary Mable. Put that dollar back on the table!"

    Ralph looked at the ghost with an amused look on his face. "Mary Mable? You're a woman?", he said as he stared at the ghost. "Yes, I'm the ghost of Mary Mable. Put the dollar back on the table!"

    "I don't think so!", Ralph said as he picked up the dollar. The ghost was furious. "I'M THE GHOST OF MARY MABLE! PUT THAT DOLLAR BACK ON THE TABLE!!!"

    Ralph gave a big smile and said, "Yeah? Well, I'm the ghost of Davy Crokette and I'll put the dollar back in my pocket!" Which he did and walked out of the hotel and bought a Klondike bar!

    OK, so it's corney and a bit dumb, but who cares!

    "I care"

    "Ah, who asked ya?"


    Jonny
    For more information, check out www.jonathoncox.com/intro.html

    "The trouble with music appreciation in general is that people are taught to have too much respect for music they should be taught to love it instead." - Igor Stravinsky

  10. #10

    Talking Re: As a moderator ...

    Ok, try this one out...

    A man is on the road for work. At the end of the day, he heads up to the top of the hotel to hang out at the bar. When he gets there he notices another man sitting at the bar who has obviously had a few too many to drink.

    Suddenly, the obviously drunk man gets up, hobbles over to the outside patio and throws himself over the ledge! The man sitting at the bar rushes over to the ledge, only to be almost knocked over by the drunk man who has just whoosed back over the rail and on to the patio.

    Of course, the traveling man can't believe his eyes. He asks the drunk `How did you do that?!' The drunk slowly replies, `There is some kind of a weird updraft on this building. If you let yourself fall over the edge, you'll go down about 20 stories and then Whoosh! the updraft will carry you back up and onto the patio.'

    `Impossible! States the travelling man, `Physics simply will not allow this to happen! You're drunk and you don't know what you are talking about!'

    `Really?' replies the drunk. `Then explain this!'. The drunk then spills over the rail, falls 20 stories and then Whoosh! is lifted back up and onto the patio.

    The travelling man cannot believe his eyes. `Wow! What a rush! I can't believe I just saw that happen!'

    The drunk man chuckles and says `It is a great deal of fun. Give it a try!'

    The travelling man immediately agrees and throws himself over the rail. He falls for 10 stories, then 20, then 30 and then hits the ground and dies.

    The drunk man, greatly amused, hobbles back over to the bar. The bartender who has witnessed the entire scene shakes his head at the drunk man. He looks at the drunk man, sighs and says `You know, you really can be a mean drunk, Superman.'

    Zank you all vedy mach. I vill be here all ze veek.

    -Kevin
    We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams …
    24" 2.4 Ghz iMac, OSX 10.4.10, MOTU 828 MKII, 2 Glyph 250 Gig external drives, Logic 9, Finale 2008 GPO, JABB, Strad, Gro, Reason 4, EWQL Storm Drum, Adrenaline, Symphonic Choirs, SO Gold,All Arturia Synths, Many NI Synths, Spectrasonics Synths, KH Strings, VEPro on a Windows 7 4x 2.8 Ghz 12 gig of RAM

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