• Register
  • Help
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Topic: Phish tales

  1. #1

    Phish tales

    Got this in an email today, couldn't help but think of Brian...

    It was April the 41st, it being a quadruple leap year and I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was over-heating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the damned thing, and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"
    While they were doing that, I went across the street to the Oyster Bar - a real dive. But I knew the owner. He used to play for the Dolphins. I said, "Hi, Gil!" (You have to yell, he's hard of herring.)

    Gil was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sandbar. He poured me the usual Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the mako. I slipped him a fin, on porpoise. I was eeling good! I even dropped a sand-dollar in the box for Jerry's squids... for the Halibut.

    Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the Big Band sound of Tommy Dorsal. What sole. Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna: "Salmon-chanted Evening." And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass player.

    One of them was this cute little yellow-tail, and she's giving me the eye! So I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You know, a piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep. She seemed to be under a lot of pressure. And, boy, could she drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said, "Great! Lets get tanked!"

    I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on, baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight. I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen, shrimp, don't ya come trolling around here." What a crab! This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him. I said, "Abalone. You're just being shellfish."

    Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, 'cause he was already on the phone to the cods. The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke. But there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the Cods, Gil. This guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

    Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me. She said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin."

    Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams.

    Christopher Duncan
    Author of
    Unite the Tribes and The Career Programmer

  2. #2
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    West Seneca, NY

    Talking Re: Phish tales

    What a load of carp!

  3. #3

    Re: Phish tales

    Good night!!

    Something smells a bit fishy in here!! :-)

    For more information, check out www.jonathoncox.com/intro.html

    "The trouble with music appreciation in general is that people are taught to have too much respect for music they should be taught to love it instead." - Igor Stravinsky

  4. #4
    Moderator/Developer Brian2112's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Out of my Mind

    Thumbs up Re: Phish tales


    There are enough puns in there to fill a fishtank!

    Thanks for posting that Christopher! Made my day...

    "So what if some parts of life are a crap shoot? Get out there and shoot the crap." -- Neil Peart
    Hint:1.6180339887498948482 Φ

Go Back to forum


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts