Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "Adam, what is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. God told Adam that this person would cook for him, wash his clothes, would always agree with every decision Adam made. God continued, "She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will never nag you and will always be the first to admit that she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and compassion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What would a woman like this cost me?"
God answered, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a moment and then asked, "What could I get for just a rib?"
The rest is history.
Payroll notification came in today as follows,
· April 11, 2005
Re: Vacation Pay
Dear Valued Employee:
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off. One additional week is granted for every 05 years of service.
Please either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22, which will include all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Automated Payroll Processing
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
(this is going to hurt)
-- (really bad.) --
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
An old guy's sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on. The punk rocker's hair is red, green, yellow, and orange, and he's got feather earrings. He sees the guy staring at him. He says "What's the matter, old man? Didn't you ever do anything wild?"
The old guy says, "Yeah. One time I had with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."