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Topic: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

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  1. #1

    OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    As one of the tech support guy for Bela D - I found this amusing, as I'm sure many of you will, if you've ever had to call tech support before and got someone who you knew didn't know more than you:

    Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    * "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

    * "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

    * "So -- what are you wearing?"

    * "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

    * "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

    * "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

    * "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

    * "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

    * "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

    * "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

    * "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."
    Alan Lastufka | www.BelaDMedia.com
    Producer/Artistic Design | Content Producer

    20 Things

  2. #2

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    LOL!!! Love the Dianetics one. That's a hoot. Good book but I've never gotten really past page 100 without crashing and burning.

    Jose

  3. #3

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    11. Maybe you should reinstall your OS

    12. Just trash preferences and open Logic again.

    13. That feature may be in the next update but we can't guarantee that.

  4. #4

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    14. You? Again!??

    -JF

  5. #5

    Joy of Beta Testing...

    Ha, JF - I like that one! Of course - before the joy of Tech Support - you get the
    Joy of Beta Testing...


    1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
    2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
    3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
    4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
    5. See 3.
    6. See 4.
    7. See 5.
    8. See 6.
    9. See 7.
    10. See 8.
    11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
    12. Users find 137 new bugs.
    13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
    14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
    15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
    16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
    17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
    18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free....
    Alan Lastufka | www.BelaDMedia.com
    Producer/Artistic Design | Content Producer

    20 Things

  6. #6

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    15. Sorry you are the wrong number...

    SergeD

  7. #7

    Re: Joy of Beta Testing...

    Quote Originally Posted by Alan Lastufka
    Ha, JF - I like that one! Of course - before the joy of Tech Support - you get the
    Joy of Beta Testing...


    1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
    2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
    3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
    4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
    5. See 3.
    6. See 4.
    7. See 5.
    8. See 6.
    9. See 7.
    10. See 8.
    11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely pre-mature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
    12. Users find 137 new bugs.
    13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
    14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
    15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
    16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
    17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
    18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free....
    That has to be one of the funniest things I've read in a while. It's funny cause it's true....
    Tim

  8. #8

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    16. auto-response:"Please hold for the next available tech, Your call is very important to us, If you hang up you'll lose you place in line" : play ear piercing version of Tchaikovsky's"Dance of the Candy Fairy"music:

    auto repeat 16.

  9. #9
    New Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Posts
    17

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support


  10. #10

    Re: OT: Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support

    17. can you call back after my lunch break?
    18. leave it alone a couple of days... it will probably go away.

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