1.Cars on Florida freeways reach speeds in excess of 17 mph.
2.Earth's rotation shifts slightly, as 80% of the world's beer converges on Florida.
3.State troopers all over the country stand in front of their mirrors, drawing their radar guns and saying, "Do you feel lucky, punk?"
4.George W. Bush goes from being vague about the issues at Bob Jones University to getting right to the point at the beach with some Notre Dame co-eds.
5.Portable toilets replace technology stocks as the big gainer on the NASDAQ.
6.Residents of Ft. Lauderdale and Panama City start Scotch-Guarding everything, including pets.
7.The average age in Florida dips all the way down to 72.
8.Weatherman's latest forecast for South Padre Island? 95% chance of meaningless with random people.
9.Daylight Savings Time ends; Moonlight Puking Time begins.
10.Live from Lake Havasu City, MTV is proud to bring you "Undressed, Unconscious and Unprotected."
11.A naked Ted Kennedy causes a brief stir when confused tourists attempt to save the senator by pushing him back into the sea.
12.You get to see breasts without that pesky two drink minimum and constant tipping.
13.J.C. Penney holds its annual "Thong and Bong Sale."
14.White trash teenage cross dressing vampire nuns on Jerry Springer suddenly sporting bitchin' tans.
And Number 1 Sign Spring Break Has Arrived...
15.You wake up behind a 7-11 in Daytona with a goat and a Barbie doll, reeking of marmalade -- and your first thought is "Not again!!"