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Topic: TGIF Jokes

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  1. #1
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Mar 2004
    Location
    West Seneca, NY
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    Talking TGIF Jokes

    Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?

    Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'

    Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?

    Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.


    What women want in a man at age 22:

    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover

    What women want in a man at age 32:

    1. Nice looking (preferably with hair)
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
    4. Listens more than talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes
    6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
    9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
    10. Seeks romance at least once a week

    What women want in a man at age 42:

    1. Not too ugly (bald head is fine)
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
    4. Nods head when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
    6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
    7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
    8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
    9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
    10. Shaves most weekends

    What women want in a man at age 52:

    1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
    2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
    3. Doesn't borrow money too often
    4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
    5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
    6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
    7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
    8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
    9. Remembers your name on occasion
    10. Shaves some weekends

    What women want in a man at age 62:

    1. Doesn't scare small children
    2. Remembers where bathroom is
    3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
    4. Only snores lightly when asleep
    5. Remembers why he's laughing
    6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
    7. Usually wears some clothes
    8. Likes soft foods
    9. Remembers where he left his teeth
    10. Remembers that it's the weekend

    What women want in a man at age 72:

    1. Breathing
    2. Doesn't miss the toilet

    Next - What men want ...
    Styxx

  2. #2

    Re: TGIF Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    What women want in a man at age 52:


    6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
    ...ahh! There is still hope for my lazy self!

    good jokes, Styxx.
    ;-)

    Jim Jarnagin - no not THAT Jim Jarnagin, the other one.

  3. #3

    Re: TGIF Jokes

    Styxx,

    Just want you to know how much I'm enjoying your jokes in the mornings. Looking forward to "What a man wants" tomorrow maybe.

    Anywho, they start the day off right, and keep me from taking my dumb life so blasted seriously.

    Karl

  4. #4

    Re: TGIF Jokes

    God said to this man...

    "you have really been on your best behavior lately, and you have been honoring me, so I am going to grant you one wish."

    The man said...

    "I would really like to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid to fly,
    could you build me a bridge so I could drive there?"

    God replied...

    "Now come on, think about all the legistics in building a bridge that long,
    make another wish, and be reasonable this time"

    The man said,

    "OK, I have been married and divorced three times, I would like to know how women think, why they do what they do, and how to be a better man"

    God said...

    "did you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"



  5. #5
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    West Seneca, NY
    Posts
    11,075

    Talking Re: TGIF Jokes

    Dan! Aa ha aha ha ahaha aha aha ha! Everyone knows how smart God is. Not even He would go there.
    I love it when people post reply jokes. Thanks Dan!
    Styxx

  6. #6

    Re: TGIF Jokes

    dat's a goodern huh?

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