I came accross this:
The airline industry, like any other, has a specialized dictionary. These are words and phrases that are used commonly by airline employees for which the meanings may not be obvious to outsiders.
Remember folks, "If it ain't Boeing, I ain't going!"
·Air Traffic Control - A game played by airline pilots and air traffic controllers. The game has no rules, and neither side knows how it is played, but the goal is to prevent flights from arriving in time for passengers to make connecting flights.
·Baggage Claim - The most difficult area of the airport to find. It is usually hidden by numerous signs saying, "Baggage Claim Area."
·Carry On Bag - An item, usually of large dimensions, which somehow managed to fit under the passenger's seat on the inbound flight. Regardless of what the passenger says the following is not acceptable as carry-on items: bicycles, refrigerators, truck tires, or wide screen projection TVs.
·Flight Schedule - An entertaining work of paperback fiction.
·Fog - A natural weather phenomenon, which usually occurs around an airport while the surrounding areas are clear. Fog is controlled by the airlines and is used to delay flights.
·Non-Revenue Position - Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay first class passenger charges.
·No-Record - Any passenger booked through a travel agency.
·On Time - An obscure term, meaning unknown.
·Passenger - A herding creature of widely varying intellect usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
·Position Closed - This is a sign posted at various counter locations, which when interpreted by the passenger says, "Form line here."
·Pre-Board - Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.
·Sign - An airport decoration. Usually unnoticed except by small children. Its primary function is to hide the location of various areas of the airport, i.e., gate numbers, rest rooms, baggage claim, etc.
·Ticket Agent - A superhuman with the patience of a saint, the herding ability of an Australian sheepdog, the E.S.P. abilities of Uri Geller, the compassion of a psychoanalysts, and the tact of a diplomat. They have mysterious abilities to control wind/rain/snow/fog and all other weather phenomenon. They are capable of answering three questions at one time, while talking on the phone, and without stuttering or choking on their tongue. Later in life they sit in parks carrying on mysterious conversations with themselves.
·Voluntary Oversell - A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is coming off the flight.
Signs You Chose a No Frills Airline
·They don't sell tickets they sell chances.
·All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
·Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
·You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change.
·Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
·The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
·When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
·The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
·You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, "Just once."
·No movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
·You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
·All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
OK funny guy, It's nice to see you back in form. Does this mean that we need to wear our superhero suits in order to dodge the slings and arrows of the outrageous humor of our buddy Styxx at NAMM? I sure hope so. 'twill be nice to see you.
Excellent Karl. I'm glad I can be of help. I'm planning on going around and talking to all the other shops here in Nelsonville as well. They are all very supportive of the arts so we should at least get a couple more spots for the CD.