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Topic: On the Lighter Side...

  1. #1

    Talking On the Lighter Side...

    If Microsoft Built Cars

    * Occasionally, for no apparent reason:

    1. Your car would just die on the motorway for no reason and you'd have to restart it.
    2. Executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine.
    3. Your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in, until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    For some strange reason, you'd just accept #1, #2 and #3.

    * Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car. Whenever you bought a new car, you would have to reorganize the ignition for a few days, before it worked. And, whenever they introduced a new model, you would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    * Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but it would only run on 5% of the roads ... but, the Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars go much slower.

    * People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

    * But, there would be some unique features:

    1. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single General Car Fault warning light.
    2. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?", before going off.
    3. There would be an Engium Pro with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.
    4. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes -- unless, of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.
    5. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car 95 or a Car NT. But then you'd have to buy more seats ... and new seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

    * We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids, but the packaging would be superb.

    * If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

    * Microsoft wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design, so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

    * Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

    * If you still ran old versions of Car (i.e. CarDOS 6.22 / CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old-fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

    * You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other ... But, if you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friend's and then copy it.

    * All car buyers would be required to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a Microsoft subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.

    And, best of all ...

    * You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine.

  2. #2

    Re: On the Lighter Side...

    LOL !!

  3. #3

    Re: On the Lighter Side...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ray Lindsley
    * Microsoft wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design, so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.


    ...thanks, Ray!

    Jim Jarnagin - no not THAT Jim Jarnagin, the other one.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    West Seneca, NY

    Re: On the Lighter Side...

    On the Lighter Side...
    I would fit in a size 30 pant again!
    Thanks Ray!

  5. #5

    Re: On the Lighter Side...

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx
    I would fit in a size 30 pant again!
    Thanks Ray!

  6. #6

    Re: On the Lighter Side...

    On a slight if long-winded aside...

    The UnixCar and the LinuxCar

    Unix is an operating system that was developed for large computers. The original IBM personal computers were too primitive to use Unix, so IBM let Microsoft create a crude operating system (ie, DOS) for their personal computer.

    Eventually the IBM personal computers became advanced enough to use a better operating system than DOS. But Microsoft instead decided to create Windows. Meanwhile, a college kid in Europe (Linus Torvalds) made a simple operating system for use on IBM personal computers similar to Unix, called it Linux, and put it on the Internet for free for other people to improve upon. His original version of Linux was just a college kid's project, not a useable system. A few college kids and some adults around the world improved upon it during the following years it at an extremely slow pace.

    Linux has been in development for many years, but by 1999 it was still just a college project rather than a competitor to Windows.

    The primary problem with Linux is that the kids who work on it don't have a clue as to how the real world operates. The Linux supporters follow the “Karl Marx Theory of Free Software” which proposes that Linux and all other software be free. Just as kids expect food to magically appear when they are hungry, and houses to magically appear when they want to get away from the rain, the kids expect software developers to work hard for decades and then distribute their software for free. The kids will gladly spend lots of their Daddy's money on Hollywood movies, beer, body piercings, and other forms of entertainment, but the kids expect software developers, carpenters, and farmers to work for free. The end result is that progress with Linux was extremely slow.

    Linux would never have attracted the attention of adults if the world wasn't full of adults who were disgusted by Microsoft and Windows. By 1999 the disgust had reached the point at which many adults decided to get involved with the development of Linux and make an alternative to Windows.

    Companies such as Red Hat started paying adults to develop Linux, and companies such as Borland started paying adults to develop compilers and other software for Linux. Progress with Linux is now moving rapidly. Sometime in 2005 or 2006, the world may (if the project doesn't fail) have a version of Linux that can compete with Windows.

    Therefore, if computer companies built cars, some college kids would make a toy version of the UnixTruck to play with, which they would call the LinuxTruck. The kids would slowly improve the toy truck during the following years, but it would never get beyond the “toy” stage.

    Eventually there would be so much disgust of the WinCar that some adults would decide they cannot tolerate the situation any longer. They would take the LinuxTruck away from the kids and put serious effort into making a competitor to Windows.

    Incidentally, this is one of the most odd ways for a product to be developed. Look thru history and try to find another situation in which disgust of a company caused people around the world to develop an alternative to their product. And then consider that the adults took a kid's toy to compete in the adult world!

  7. #7

    Re: On the Lighter Side...

    Fascinating historical perspective,Tony.A little more competition for Microsoft,could only be a good thing.

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