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Topic: My neighbor is not a terrorist

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  1. #1

    My neighbor is not a terrorist

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    She's really boring.

  2. #2

    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Don't you have a homeowner's association? Can't you take it up with them?

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Quote Originally Posted by Nick Batzdorf
    She's really boring.
    My neighbours are both widows. On really exciting days they can be found hanging out with a lot of other dodgy grey haired people in the village hall - drinking tea, eating biscuits and playing bridge - for money.

    Across the cul-de-sac lives another old couple - called Peter & Greta - oh yeah!

    He likes to wait for me to start cleaning the car - that's his favourite passtime. Then he pounces!!!

    He's comes over while I'm standing there with a bucket of water and sponge and just starts talking - about anything! Until the water goes cold. Then just when I think I can get on when he's gone back - Greta comes over. It's like a fkg relay!

    Everyone's cats in the road all want to live in our house - just can't get rid of them. You go into the lounge when the french doors are open and there can be thousands of them sitting all over the furniture.

    Sheesh!

    Anyway, glad to get that off my chest.


  4. #4
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    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Quote Originally Posted by PaulR
    He's comes over while I'm standing there with a bucket of water and sponge and just starts talking - about anything! Until the water goes cold. Then just when I think I can get on when he's gone back - Greta comes over. It's like a fkg relay!
    Luxury.

    My neighbour only talks when he wants something, like: "can you cut down your bushes so that my Leylandii can grow better". He mows his lawns, every 3 days (he can't stand grass over 3.5mm); then he starts with the strimming. The noise drives me crazy. -or? Am I hallucinating?.. Yeah it could be me. Maybe I've been giving him hell for nothing.

  5. #5
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    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Quote Originally Posted by Beckers
    Luxury.

    My neighbour only talks when he wants something, like: "can you cut down your bushes so that my Leylandii can grow better". He mows his lawns, every 3 days (he can't stand grass over 3.5mm); then he starts with the strimming. The noise drives me crazy. -or? Am I hallucinating?.. Yeah it could be me. Maybe I've been giving him hell for nothing.
    Pure luxury!

    When my neighbour starts complaining that she's dying of an 'unknown to the human race illness' that's not been discovered yet, and never will be - that's code for - 'can you be a good boy and cut my hedge'. Which naturally I do - all 200 feet of it (yeah, that's right, I friggin measured it one day) - because old people basically use blackmail and every other trick they've picked up on the way, during their regression back to childhood.

    On the other side widow no.2 - it takes the form of blown fuses and Christ knows what else! I do it of course - but letting me go anywhere near electricity could be fatal for all concerned.

    I don't mention that part as you can imagine.


  6. #6
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    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Quote Originally Posted by Ernstinen
    He was really a nice guy, and smoked elsewhere after I politely told him his smoke was blowing into our home when we had the windows open. Ern


    That's just cracked me up!

  7. #7
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    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Quote Originally Posted by PaulR
    Pure luxury!

    When my neighbour starts complaining that she's dying of an 'unknown to the human race illness' that's not been discovered yet, and never will be - that's code for - 'can you be a good boy and cut my hedge'. Which naturally I do - all 200 feet of it (yeah, that's right, I friggin measured it one day) - because old people basically use blackmail and every other trick they've picked up on the way, during their regression back to childhood.

    On the other side widow no.2 - it takes the form of blown fuses and Christ knows what else! I do it of course
    Pure luxury!!

    Doing all that stuff for other people is good for you; that’s been scientifically proven (When you’ve finished with their hedge can you start on ours. And we’ve got some rewiring to be done).

    No, we have it tough. Our neighbour, after he’s mown his lawns he piles up all the grass and sets fire to it. Green grass doesn’t burn of course, it just smoulders. And smokes, -for days. First the noise, then the smoke, then it starts again.

    But that’s nothing. Our neighbour opposite gets drunk. When I walk the dog at night, quietly, along the deserted country lane, his dog starts barking. He comes flying out with a shovel, banging it on the ground in front of me shouting with whiskey breath in my face “What the fck is is going on out here!”; then his wife opens an upstairs window screaming out lung-fulls of alcohol with “Can’t we never get any peace around here”!

  8. #8

    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    My neighbor stole a dirty diaper that I had set outside over night because it was particular bad. She threw the diaper in her husband's jeep after a fight they had.

    The husband didn't talk to me for weeks thinking that I did it. I didn't notice, because I don't particularly care for him that much, but my wife noticed that he was looking at her crossed. She inquired and he let her know that he thought that I threw a dirty diaper in his car.

    I talked to him and got it straightened out. Then he said to me that a few cars had been towed in the morning. He then said that his wife told him the night before that cars where being towed. I loved the look on his face trying to figure out why his wife told him that the cars where being towed the night before when he clearly saw them being towed in the morning. Then he looked at me and he knew what I knew all a long. His wife is an evil nut job.

    Shortly after he told me that he was getting depressed. He went on medication. I feel like tell him that he doesn't need medication. He just needs to dump his back stabbing wife and he'll feel better. A but alas, love is blind.

    Ars

  9. #9
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    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    Quote Originally Posted by Beckers
    Pure luxury!!

    Doing all that stuff for other people is good for you; that’s been scientifically proven (When you’ve finished with their hedge can you start on ours. And we’ve got some rewiring to be done).
    Well, to be fair, when we moved to this paticular village about 11 years ago, she did invite us in and made dinner for the 3 of us for 5 evenings running while the place was being gutted.

    Quote Originally Posted by Beckers
    But that’s nothing. Our neighbour opposite gets drunk. When I walk the dog at night, quietly, along the deserted country lane, his dog starts barking. He comes flying out with a shovel, banging it on the ground in front of me shouting with whiskey breath in my face “What the fck is is going on out here!”; then his wife opens an upstairs window screaming out lung-fulls of alcohol with “Can’t we never get any peace around here”!
    Yeah - drunks can be a problem. We don't get that here, even though there is one pub in the village. In the last village we lived in about 7 miles from this one, a guy who was a managing director of a national building firm lived 2 doors away, used to let his dog run around anywhere. Naturally, this dog used to crap outside our front door whenever it got the chance.
    I mentioned it one day - but this guy didn't even break his stride on the way to his Merc. So about 2 or 3 weeks later - I don't know - I posted all of his dog's excrement in through their letterbox and waited for him to come out. Didn't take long.


  10. #10

    Re: My neighbor is not a terrorist

    I guess I have it pretty lucky, on one side (about 500 metres away), I have a Famous Modern Ballet choreographer, recently retired from running Ballet Rambert for the last 20 years, and on the other a Zimbabwean dairy worker who milks all the cows on the farm I live on.
    Rural Bliss. But if it is any help I was brought up in a shoebox at the side of the road.
    regards

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