If you need attention, feel neglected or have an undramatic past, then make people feel sorry for you by going to By Accident. Here's some quotes from their web site:
"We here at By Accident represent a whole new kind of treatment, a way to make changes based on individualism and freedom. We make it possible to achieve the attention you deserve by helping you create a new dramatic past... We can help you to become one of those unique individuals. We create dramatic and convincing life stories to help people live better and more fulfilling lives. ...
We applaud people who have a difficult past and we can forgive almost anything if there is a psychological explanation...Imagine the way people would listen to you if you had been the victim of an assault. Imagine how they would admire you if you had survived and came out stronger...to be a survivor of a traumatic incident and have a life is a real accomplishment. We change your life with experiences that will make people around you care and respect you."
Our highly skilled staff provides you with physical evidence of your personally tailored experience but we also help create your physcological background. [They even provide surgeons experienced in everything from bruises to bone fractures].
And there's testimonials too! Jerry, a satisfied customere, purchased a special Christmas Mugging Package, Wendy got the victim of rape package,and Clark purchased a near-death experience in a car accident.
What do you think of this service? What kind of victim story would you want for yourself, if any?
Watt? No tripping on the lunar lander while walking on the moon during a meteor shower in December! This is an outrage! I'm reporting this service at once! If I can't have my past as a bumbling astronut (and we stress, "nut" ) I'm suing!
Da noive of them! Heck, they have the same service in Russia and offer that scenario!
Wow! The Jerry Springer mentality legitimized! The opportunities of exploiting this sort of thing just boggle the mind. Yikes!
It's not to say that there aren't people who have been through trauma and have been unduly ignored, but there are just too many people out there with attention-for-attention's-sake agendas that this could so easily pander to. Again, I say
Well, it's gotta be joke! Kind of a cruel joke for those who really have had such experiences (and that is no laughing matter, obviously), but I really couldn't stop myself from laughing at this website. I especially like the "Christmas Mugging" special.
Anyway, the only way to find out for sure if it's real or fake is to send them an email . . . so I said my name was Wolfgang and wrote:
"Hi! I have a great story I want to pretend to be real . . . poisining! I want to tell people that someone poisined me because they were jealous of me. What do you think? I would need some counselling to make it convincing. I want to get my story made into a movie if I can."
Then I sent another using the name Sal:
"Good day to you. I want a story! I want to be a suicidal, and perhaps even a murderer. People will feel sorry for me as I tell them the deeds of my life lived in envy. Actually there's this one priest in particular I'd like to make feel really sorry for me. I'd like to get him crying if I can. I already know some of the things I want to say, like "Your... merciful God. He destroyed His own beloved, rather than let a mediocrity share in the smallest part of His glory." It will be great! I can't wait."
In some strange way it makes me think of designer jeans. The way they are tailored to make you look like you have a life, when if you just bought regular jeans, and actually HAD a life, your jeans would look all raggedy and torn up naturally.
But why experience it when you can buy the experience in a convenient, pre-packaged form?
Although I did once have a similar vision that everything that occurs in our lives or affects us is a result of this sort of service, although instead of a service, it was an agency, but then they came out with the movie "The Game"... and "The Truman Show"... so much for my million dollar screenplay.
I've actually used the service. For the most part I'm doing ok, except I still have occasional nightmares about the time I was kidnapped by a band of renegade Druotians from the planet Xor who forced me into a black hole from which I emerged in the remote past of 2005 AD. I don't know how long I lost consciousness, but the next thing I knew I was standing behind this counter wearing a bright, red-striped vest with a button saying "Please Ask About Our Gift Certificates"...
... but I've since joined a therapeutic support group consisting of others who've pretended to have the same harrowing experience, and we share the special bond that comes from feigning to work out our psychosocial trauma together. I think I'm on the verge of a real breakthrough!