there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie ***poof*** she is instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." ***poof*** The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather prude brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I'm the sexiest woman alive." ***poof*** The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." ***poof***
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. And on this day, the teacher asked the class where they thought God lived. One little girl raised her hand, and the teacher called upon her. "I think God lives in the sky, because that is where heaven is," the girl replied. "That's good!" said the teacher.
Another little boy raised his hand, and the teacher called on him. "And where do you think God lives?" she asked. Very piously, the boy answered "God lives in each of our hearts!" "That's VERY good," she smiled.
When she asked a third time, Little Johnny was the only one who raised his hand. Quietly dreading his answer, the teacher asked, "And where do you think God lives, Johnny?" "In the bathroom," he said. "In the bathroom?" she asked, puzzled yet unable to stop herself. "Yes, because every morning my father beats on the bathroom door and screams 'GOD, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?'
What did the elephant say when he saw a naked man? "That's cute, but can you pick up peanuts?"
· If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
· Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
· If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
· When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
· Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
· Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
· When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
· Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
· Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
· Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
· If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
· Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
· "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do." is the longest sentence?
· If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
· Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
· Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?