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Topic: How come there are no libraries like this?

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  1. #1

    How come there are no libraries like this?

    Grade school band and Beginner orchestra

    Grade school

    10 flutes
    3 clarinets
    4 cornets
    60 alto saxes-velocity set to a minimum of 100
    8 trombones
    3 snare-300ms of latency
    1 male voice thru a bull horn saying "stop".

    Beginner orchestra

    multi samples of half size and 3/4 size violins
    full size violins tuned to be violas

    Sampling environment should be a gymnasium.

    For total accuracy musicians must be under age 11. Pick only those who only practice at the rehearsal. Any student taking private lesson must be removed from the list. Just think after paying these kids (pizza party and movie providing their parents aren't attorneys) they become professional musicians.

    I think that would be a real challenge.

    Plus as a bonus have special FX-kid complaining. Great phrases like:
    "What time is it?"
    "What time do we get out?"
    "I want to quit but my mom won't let me."

    Also have Director FX. This could be 8gb alone. Have many phrases with the word "practice". Soft samples that involve:
    "I need a drink"
    "I hope that kid quits"
    "I now have no fear of hell".
    "I must have been Ghengis Kahn in my previous life."
    "My mother was right. I should have been a urologist."

    The possibilities are endless.

  2. #2

    Re: How come there are no libraries like this?


  3. #3

    Re: How come there are no libraries like this?

    Don't mind wheat, he clearly loves to pull you into a prank. His link is from the April Fool's prank this year. Closest library for this would be the Marching/Concert Band. Personal Orchestra would also be appropriate somewhat, just untune the instruments (VAR1 and VAR2 will do the trick!). Also, I think a few extra lines should be added on for the students...

    "How do I play <note>?"
    "What is the fingers for F#?" (Concert Band members love this one!)
    "This is boring."
    "The lights are too hot."
    "Please mom! Please! Let me go home!"
    "*sobs*My...reed...broke..."
    "Who stole my seat?"
    "Where did my stand go?"
    "Watch his face when I do this..."

    And for the director:

    "I just had to go the cheaper way and go to community college instead of Julliard..."
    "I wish I had Garritan Marching/Concert Band."
    "I wish I had Garritan Personal Orchestra."
    "I wish I had an escape plan."
    "There isn't enough money in the world to make this sound good."
    "I wonder what the audiences faces are like..."
    "Where'd the audience go?"
    "Wow, at least he's on beat."
    "What song are they playing?"
    "No matter how bad they are, those parents will still be happy!"
    "Do I have the right score?"
    "Slow down drummers! It's just quarter notes!"
    "Speed up drummers, it's just quarter notes!"
    "It still isn't GPOA." (Chat Members may remember this)
    "Quieter...quieter...For crying out loud, that 'dim.' means to get QUIETER YOU FILTHY, STUPID, LAZY SONS OF A - Oh...live performance..." *followed by a large booing and cursing sound*

    I have more though...
    Colton J. Provias
    Film Score Composer, Location Sound Mixer, and Sound Editor
    Full-stack Web Developer

  4. #4

    Re: How come there are no libraries like this?

    Quote Originally Posted by kitekrazy
    Grade school band and Beginner orchestra

    Grade school

    10 flutes
    3 clarinets
    4 cornets
    60 alto saxes-velocity set to a minimum of 100
    8 trombones
    3 snare-300ms of latency
    1 male voice thru a bull horn saying "stop".
    Forgot, here's the stats for a high school concert band.

    1-2 of each wind instrument playing correctly
    1-2 of each wind instrument trying to play
    1-2 of each instrument in the woodwinds chatting to each other
    1 Alto Sax player looking strangely at the high notes
    1 Tenor sax player trying to improv
    Female trumpet players chatting away
    1 Trumpet player messing with the valves
    1 Trumpet player who takes everything up an octave or two
    1 French Horn player, but can't be heard due to the location on the stage and the band.
    1 Trombone player complaining about his position
    1 Tuba player who plays few notes
    1 Bell player that plays few notes
    4-6 percussionists that refuse to play
    2 percussionists that play incorrectly
    1 percussionist that actually can play
    1 Bari Sax player who accesses online forums and composes music that the band refuses to play

    And there you have my school's band.
    Colton J. Provias
    Film Score Composer, Location Sound Mixer, and Sound Editor
    Full-stack Web Developer

  5. #5

    Re: How come there are no libraries like this?

    hahaha...lol...thanks for this entertaining thread and the link to the other one with the kutie vsti. you've really made my day.

    just for the case that someone should think these pictures are exaggerated....it's all true.

    e.g...as i started as a kid with the obligatory recorder i played in a kind of "school orchestra" which consisted of about 40 recordes or so. can you imagine the quality of that tone? quite complex and multilayered, because sure no one plays the same tone. and that - together with the cruel insensibility how children blow into recorders. shiver. hell becomes a quite comfy place in contrast to this.

    later playing cello in an other kid's orchestra i remember the poor conductor who was famous for his blank nerves and had steadily to fight with children at the back of the second violins who were reading comics during the rehearsal.

    nevertheless the sound of a non-perfect orchestra has its charme, and to be honest...i like the gymnasium sports-hall acoustics or other small rooms like the studio string sounds of the 50/60ties filmscoring recordings. (e.g. bernard herrmann e.g.). ok. sure these guys played perfect.

    but a wee out of tune and a small room acoustix are my preferred sound quality.

  6. #6

    Re: How come there are no libraries like this?

    Quote Originally Posted by C J Pro
    Closest library for this would be the Marching/Concert Band.
    Does it have the director shouting "left" for an out of step marching band?

  7. #7

    Re: How come there are no libraries like this?

    No. But my marching band has a director, assistant band director, and about half the students shouting "left! Right! Left! Right!" At two brothers...
    Colton J. Provias
    Film Score Composer, Location Sound Mixer, and Sound Editor
    Full-stack Web Developer

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