In the Avant News: Aliens announce completion of human observation and research program.
Extra-terrestrials from the planet Koob in the star system Rigel Kentaurus announced today their 200,000-year program of observing and testing human life is now complete. The announcement is expected to come as a great relief to the millions of individuals whose generally unwilling participation in the program has long been met with ridicule, ostracism and flawed diagnoses of mental disorders.Have you ever had a strange feeling that somebody may have been watching you? You hunch may have been right:.
"Paranoid schizophrenics everywhere are celebrating in the streets today," Dr. Ross Wolfe, a clinical psychiatrist with the Bellevue Hospital Center in New York, said. "For many of them, this announcement serves as a complete vindication that will finally release them from their dismal regimens of lithium, involuntary internment, and tawdry tinfoil hats."
"I always felt like there might be someone up there watching," Jared Sugar, a San Bernardino County skateboard repairman, said, "but I always thought it was probably God or the government or something. It's pretty freaking cool to know we've actually been being studied all this time by, like, really smart aliens.