Thanks for presenting this piece. My first observation would be the lack of flow throughout. Perhaps legato on the first two notes of each bar would improve this. To many rests mean you won't sleep at night hi!!!
I think listeners will do well to take note that, as you
say, you are in the first-draft stage on this. That
said, some fine progress on this; and in mind's ear,
I think you're coming along with some good material
for the musical stage in these drafts.