You seem to be thinking like someone that would want the sound of a mirage sampler for the "hit" as opposed to someone trying to write for a real orchestra.
You're playing chords as opposed to individual parts for each instrument.
Can you imagine a real orchestra playing the parts or are you imagining a keyboard player playing the parts?
Compositionally, the piece ~could~ work quite well and have a great deal of power if it were orchestrated in a different way.
The really important dynamics are individual to each instrument and are very short term and for each and every note and between each and every note.
That is where you will get the power and sensitivity if you work at it.
What I hear for this piece is compositionally almost exactly the same. The difference that would bring it to life and give it character, sensitivity and power is all in the orchestration.
Listen to some contemporary film scores. Rent or buy DVDs that have great scores. Stop thinking like a keyboard player and learn to thing like each and every player in the orchestra ... one player at a time.