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Topic: Howlers In Music Education

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  1. #1

    Talking Howlers In Music Education

    Howlers in Musical Education

    These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state of Missouri:

    Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

    Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing.

    A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.

    John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.

    Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large.

    Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.

    Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.

    Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.

    An opera is a song of bigly size.

    In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live happily ever after.

    When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

    Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.

    I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say.

    Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.

    A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the odium.

    Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy.

    Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.

    Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and McCoys.

    My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.

    My favorite composer is Opus.

    A harp is a nude piano.

    A tuba is much larger than its name.

    Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.

    You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more cellos.

    Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just stick with the first name and learn it good.

    A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.

    While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.

    The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.

    When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.

    Question: What are kettle drums called??

    Answer: Kettle drums.

    Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!

    A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.

    Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.

    Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument??

    Answer: Yes.

    The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a person is elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin real good.

    For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line of flute music. You just watch.

    I can't reach the brakes on this piano!

    The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.

    Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor.

    Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.

    The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.

    The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.

    A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.

    Tubas are a bit too much.

    Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.

    I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow or Friday be best?

    My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.

    It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.

    Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.

    Larry G. Alexander
    www.alexandermusic.com

  2. #2

    Re: Howlers In Music Education

    I do a bit of examining and marking of coursework from high schools over here in the UK, and I've seen some absolute howlers.

    One paper requires the candidates to sit a written paper about a composition that they've previously written. To the question 'Outline some of the idiomatic technical devices in your composition,' one candidate wrote,

    "I have used many very technical devices, such as notes."

    I laughed for so long I had to take a break from marking. Another that I heard about, but didn't actually mark was,

    "Earlier singers tended to have very florid parts, till Purcell cut them off."

  3. #3

    Re: Howlers In Music Education

    One of my favorites is attributed to Mark Twain:

    "Wagner's music is a lot better than it sounds."

    I'm hoping the same applies to me ;-)
    Paul Baker
    Baker's Jazz And More
    Austin, Texas, USA
    www.bakersjazzandmore.com

  4. #4

    Re: Howlers In Music Education

    Quote Originally Posted by Larry G. Alexander

    Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
    Select your weapon:
    - Pistol
    - Rapier
    - Banjo
    - Soprano
    - Bass (largemouth)
    - Bass (smallmouth)

    Of course, I would personally have to go with the Baritone .50 caliber machine gun.

  5. #5

    Lightbulb Re: Howlers In Music Education

    Quote Originally Posted by BenBotkin
    Select your weapon:
    - Pistol
    - Rapier
    - Banjo
    - Soprano
    - Bass (largemouth)
    - Bass (smallmouth)

    Of course, I would personally have to go with the Baritone .50 caliber machine gun.
    You forgot piccolos!

    I just returned from the Fasnacht in Basel, Switzerland (I was there on business). Fasnacht is a 3-day Swiss mardi gras, if you can imagine. Most of the groups (called "cliques") that parade through the city include bands of drums and piccolos - up to 40 or 50 piccolos in a group, typically playing 2 or 3-part harmony. Now, imagine that there are hundreds of these bands roaming the streets, from 4 AM on Monday to 4 AM on Thursday (although they take breaks to drink beer).

    The beginning of Fasnacht ("morgestraich") begins with "lights out" throughout the city at 4 AM. Then, the cliques begin playing and marching through the old section of the city, each player wearing or carrying a light. Each clique plays the same drum & piccolo piece for morgestraich, but they make no attempt to play together. Standing in the marketplatz with a dozen or so cliques playing simultaneously is a ... um, unique experience

    I found one of the stores that sells the piccolos (they all appear to be identical). Definitely not the standard Boehm instrument, they have six open fingerholes, several keys (5 or 6 - jet lag is catching up to me at the moment), and no provision for tuning.

    Later in the day, more conventional bands march. Most of these are all brass and drums (trumpets, trombones, and tubas, usually), but around half are still piccolo/drum groups. Everyone marches in full costume, including a full-face mask, and each clique generally includes a large, illuminated lantern or float with social or political messages.

    A fascinating carnival!

    Grant
    ==============================
    Grant Green ||| www.contrabass.com
    Sarrusophones and other seismic devices

  6. #6

    Re: Howlers In Music Education

    Quote Originally Posted by Larry G. Alexander
    [/COLOR][COLOR=black]It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.

    [/INDENT]

    I'll never take maraca lessons from that kid again!

  7. #7

    Re: Howlers In Music Education

    Quote Originally Posted by GDG
    You forgot piccolos!

    I just returned from the Fasnacht in Basel, Switzerland (I was there on business). Fasnacht is a 3-day Swiss mardi gras, if you can imagine. Most of the groups (called "cliques") that parade through the city include bands of drums and piccolos - up to 40 or 50 piccolos in a group, typically playing 2 or 3-part harmony. Now, imagine that there are hundreds of these bands roaming the streets, from 4 AM on Monday to 4 AM on Thursday (although they take breaks to drink beer).
    Grant
    Now, that's too danged many piccolos!

    Larry
    Larry G. Alexander
    www.alexandermusic.com

  8. #8

    Re: Howlers In Music Education

    Quote Originally Posted by Toonyfish
    I'll never take maraca lessons from that kid again!
    Can't say that I blame ya.

    Larry
    Larry G. Alexander
    www.alexandermusic.com

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