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Topic: The world has let its children down

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  1. #1

    The world has let its children down

    Despite the grandiose title, , would love some feedback on this mix. I have worked like a dog to improve technique on this one. Would love thoughts on anything from writing to mixing to performance- as you please...The world has let its children down.

    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=405294

    This song includes samples from both Jabb and GPO.

  2. #2

    Re: The world has let its children down

    Hello, Sunny!

    It's hard to tell you how FUN it was to click "play" and hear this pop rock song come pouring out! I felt like I was back at the Cakewalk Forum where the majority of projects posted are songs with vocals.

    So first off, thanks for the neat surprise. ALL styles of music are appropriate to post here, so I don't mean to make Too big a deal out of it--I just mean it's rare to have a pop vocal here, and I wish we'd hear more.

    But of course I wouldn't be going on about the nice surprise if I didn't like what I heard! I enjoyed this Very much--It basically is a great sounding mix--Congrats!

    "...Would love thoughts on anything from writing to mixing to performance..."

    OK, passing on my honest reactions:

    --The title--When I first read it I thought "world" was probably being used in reference to environmental issues. Global climate changes, destruction of forests et al--those issues are so prominent in our minds. So I was confused--how did the world let its children down? It's actually the other way around--the children have let their world down.

    But then I heard the song, and I think I understand at least some of what you're saying, and so now I see when you say "the world" - you're talking about society, or what we used to call "the establishment." Those in power have let their citizens down. Right?

    So my confusion about the title was because I wrongly predicted what the message was going to be. Others may jump to the same environmental assumption and wonder what you meant - It's just an interesting point maybe.

    The mix itself is sounding powerful and full. Use of the GPO strings, the JABB brass, all sounds great. Nice touches of effects, like the fast tremolo on the guitar and some of the vocals.

    A Big issue for me is that I can't catch most of the lyrics. The lead vocal has a nice quality to it, but there's quite a wide dynamic range (volume fluctuation) so that phrases drop too low to be caught. And the voice is fairly light, easily overwhelmed by the arrangement. I'd say just boost the volume of the vocal, but that wouldn't fix everything. That vocal track probably needs a lot more compression--And/Or a ballsier performance. -Sorry, but I just couldn't catch most of it.

    Another thing I felt about the song writing itself - I feel that at 6:00 it's practically twice as long as it needs to be. I'm totally hip to how repetitiveness is a hallmark of rock/pop, but at this length, I was impatient with the song before it was over. 6:00 is a Very long song.

    Part of why I was getting impatient, though, is that the chord progression never gets very adventuresome. Even in a modern vocal intended for a radio-like market, there needs to be at least a few chord changes which are unpredictable. These progressions never grabbed me as being terribly interesting--and so, especially at this length, I had ample opportunity to grow tired of them.

    We hear the guitar instrumental break twice--I feel once would be enough. And I feel it could do much more. It was very safe--Simple is fine, we don't need blinding guitar pyrotechnics in this song, but I think a more interesting lead line could be developed for this, and one that doesn't keep returning to the tonic, root note so often. It keeps sounding finished because it doesn't venture away from the chord pattern very much.

    My favorite part of this arrangement was the extended fade out, when some tracks were brought way down and the interesting more delicate patterns emerged.

    One more thing - the middle section with the heavily processed vocals--That has a really interesting sound, but made the lyrics even more difficult to catch.

    One phrase I Did catch was about asking the President how he sleeps at night. Very good question, and probably at the heart of your song. Now if I could hear the rest of it better, I'm sure I'd understand how that phrase fits in even more than I understand right now.

    I listened once--Wrote these reactions--I've typed this long because the song's potential excited me.

    So, to re-cap, my wishes for this song are that I could hear and understand the lyrics better, that there would be some moments where the chord pattern could surprise me, and that the song could accomplish what it wants in about half the time.

    Your passion and dedication show through. Maybe you can take a listen in a week or so, give yourself the chance to be more objective again, and decide if there are things you could do to make it even more effective.

    Thanks for posting this!

    Randy B.
    (rbowser)

  3. #3

    Re: The world has let its children down

    Thank you! Great feedback.

  4. #4

    Re: The world has let its children down

    OR, you could just give us your thoughts on the title.? As far as musical construction and rendering I have nothing to add but: Bravo!
    Thank you for the post and a great change of pace in the forum!

    Michael
    "...Wiktor's a Jekyll-Hyde personality..." - Lycos Music
    http://www.miserymadebeautiful.com

  5. #5

    Re: The world has let its children down

    Sunny:
    Really interesting song. My only concern was the one that Randy pointed out-I really had trouble hearing/understanding a lot of the vocal. I thought the arrangement was really impressive, and I also liked the ending. Thanks for sharing this-well done!

  6. #6
    Senior Member LHong's Avatar
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    Re: The world has let its children down

    Sunny,
    Pretty cool Melody!
    I think that Randy has put great review and comment about this song!
    Overall, it sounds not bad to me; it also has nice intro/ending (Rhode alike), cool Guitar phrases and well-done Rhythms!

    Long

  7. #7

    Re: The world has let its children down

    I agree with Randy about the vocal. I wanted it to be louder. I was watching some Cakewalk videos on Youtube last night and one guy who's apparently quite famous recommends 7db of separation between the "starring" part and everything else that's happening:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH45RaEKnME
    Vista / Sonar Home Studio 6 / GPO 2d edition / Melodyne Uno 1.8

  8. #8

    Re: The world has let its children down

    Good job sunny! We often have a classic rock station on in the background at home and this sounds like something I would hear on that station, but not know the artist (which is a way I find a lot of good bands to investigate further); it has a fairly strong Pink Floyd vibe to me, which is by no means a bad thing. Overall I would say the song is a little too "safe" for my tastes and could use a bit more meat, maybe a good mastering job would take care of that though. I thought the length was good for the style of song; it's not poppy enough to warrant being compressed for time, imo.
    The use of the GPO was a perfect accompaniment and blended in very well.
    Nice job. I'm off to listen to a few more of your Soundclick selections.

    later:
    Wow, you are a very talented guy. I ended up listening to all 9 songs and can now appreciate the style a little more. As the soundtrack to a musical they work extremely well. The traces of Zeppelin were great and on the whole I caught a strong Styx\Floyd influence (stylistically reminiscent of The Final Cut in places). I don't mean to compare too much to others but I do mean the comparisons as the highest of compliments. I am largely a death\black metal fanatic so I can really appreciate it when something in the rock vein catches my ear. I hope you intend to "do something" with these pieces as they are quite strong and other than a "home studio"ish sound could certainly be commercially viable. Well done, and thanks for the pleasant listening experience!
    If pro is the opposite of con lets look beyond this....the opposite of congress must be progress...

  9. #9

    Re: The world has let its children down

    Thank you so much! This is not my day job. I am working on this by night until 1AM most nights once the kids are put down and I have reconnected with my wife. Sometimes I wish that I could give up. That said your words are incredibly encouraging and give me the strength to persevere.

    Quote Originally Posted by chesterdesmond
    Good job sunny! We often have a classic rock station on in the background at home and this sounds like something I would hear on that station, but not know the artist (which is a way I find a lot of good bands to investigate further); it has a fairly strong Pink Floyd vibe to me, which is by no means a bad thing. Overall I would say the song is a little too "safe" for my tastes and could use a bit more meat, maybe a good mastering job would take care of that though. I thought the length was good for the style of song; it's not poppy enough to warrant being compressed for time, imo.
    The use of the GPO was a perfect accompaniment and blended in very well.
    Nice job. I'm off to listen to a few more of your Soundclick selections.

    later:
    Wow, you are a very talented guy. I ended up listening to all 9 songs and can now appreciate the style a little more. As the soundtrack to a musical they work extremely well. The traces of Zeppelin were great and on the whole I caught a strong Styx\Floyd influence (stylistically reminiscent of The Final Cut in places). I don't mean to compare too much to others but I do mean the comparisons as the highest of compliments. I am largely a death\black metal fanatic so I can really appreciate it when something in the rock vein catches my ear. I hope you intend to "do something" with these pieces as they are quite strong and other than a "home studio"ish sound could certainly be commercially viable. Well done, and thanks for the pleasant listening experience!

  10. #10

    Re: The world has let its children down

    Good.. please keep at it. I'm in the same boat with wife and kids and job; takes a lot of will power to keep from just selling all my gear (because it sits there mocking me) and buying a keg (or 10) of beer.
    If pro is the opposite of con lets look beyond this....the opposite of congress must be progress...

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