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Topic: I am the one

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  1. #1

    I am the one

    New song that I have been working on. This is part of a story that I am writing called In the name of Paradise. This song is sung by a man to a young boy who who he has rescued from mob genocide. He tries to give him strength and promise of a better life.

    Would love thoughts on writing, mix, etc.

    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=405294

  2. #2

    Re: I am the one

    I occasionally go over to CSN where they have a lot of songs like this. You've certainly got all the parts in place for that genre. But the thing is, for pop songs, you have to really play up the hook. I AM THE ONE (they used to put it in upper case on old sheet music) has to stick out. Harmonize it and repeat it.
    Vista / Sonar Home Studio 6 / GPO 2d edition / Melodyne Uno 1.8

  3. #3

    Re: I am the one

    Quote Originally Posted by diligamus
    I occasionally go over to CSN where they have a lot of songs like this. You've certainly got all the parts in place for that genre. But the thing is, for pop songs, you have to really play up the hook. I AM THE ONE (they used to put it in upper case on old sheet music) has to stick out. Harmonize it and repeat it.
    What is CSN?

  4. #4

    Re: I am the one

    Quote Originally Posted by sunny
    What is CSN?
    CSN is http://forum.christiansongwriters.org

    But to be quite honest I think your song is better than 90% of the posts there!
    Vista / Sonar Home Studio 6 / GPO 2d edition / Melodyne Uno 1.8

  5. #5

    Re: I am the one

    Hi, Sunny - I'm glad to see you back with another song.

    The melody is easy to follow, and it made me hum along while listening the first time through--Now That's a good attribute for a pop song, for sure!

    Here's a reaction that you actualy can't do much with probably, but I'm passing it on anyway - I feel that songs start to lose their effectiveness in proportion to how prosaic and direct their lyrics become. "Message songs" can sound like lecturing, and nobody likes to be lectured to, and the philosophy behind a song could be more subtly suggested through imagery rather than direct language. I feel that's true of all art, that the more obvious "the message" - the less artful the piece is. - SO anyway, that's my personal taste Thing about this.

    Mixing-wise, I reached for the volume knob during the opening piano, because it was so soft, then --!!--I had to instantly grab the knob to turn it down when the vocal came in. - I would try a different balance there--Bringing the piano up in proportion to the vocal.

    Diligamus had The point about song structure--"I am the one" could use some harmony and more repetition, since that's your song's hook.

    More layers are needed --They're in progress? The other elements you've added are sounding good, strings, drums - now it can use more layering, more oomph as the song builds.

    Sound Click question. I used to use SC, and know that one chooses a category for each song posted - Why did you put this under "musical"-? I've noticed a lot of songs placed in that category when they're not related to musicals at all. How did you mean that? --I'm curious because of the stage musical I've written - When I posted bits of it on SC, I placed them under "musical" which was logical, but then noticed that more than half of what was in that category had nothing to do with musicals--?!

    ANyway, thanks for this. Your solid musicality certainly shows through in your songs.

    Randy B.
    (rbowser)

  6. #6

    Re: I am the one

    Oops ... have found there is a problem with Soundclick right now serving up dubious pop-ups. Here's a link to the discussion on the Sonar forum:

    http://forum.cakewalk.com/tm.asp?m=1111755
    Vista / Sonar Home Studio 6 / GPO 2d edition / Melodyne Uno 1.8

  7. #7

    Re: I am the one

    Sunny, solid work on this; fine songwriting, and I liked
    the arrangement of it, overall. Moreover -- this gets
    points out of me for being clear, listenable, flowing,
    and, most of all... worth hearing more than once, which
    is an essential characteristic of popular writing.

    Two areas I might recommend a little more thought are
    the opening and the ending. I felt the ending was rather
    abrupt. And the opening... to my taste, I think it ran
    a little long before pulling in the rest of the ensemble;
    perhaps gradually introduce parts of it a bit earlier. Were
    it me, I think I'd rather hook the listener into the rhythmic
    drive a little more quickly?

    Fine work on this!

    My best,



    David
    www.DavidSosnowski.com
    .

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