I've been scarce lately and miss everyone!
Some time ago, I collected a bunch of creative writing from the forum posts, and present them here for your amusement. (Pictures may be missing unfortunately; sorry about that...
Limericks and Other Poetic Endeavors
Give diligence to your composing
Whether master, apprentice or posing
If they play what you write
There's a comfort in sight
That you are one instead of supposing!
-- KE Peace
Senor de la Cruz was an odd piece;
He dispensed with his breeches and cod-piece
With a hey-nonny-no
In a skirt he would go
And despite all the gossip would not cease.
-- KE Peace
A matador, minstrel and queen:
They’re certainly a sight to be seen!
But weird as they are,
Stranger by far
Was my costume this Hal'ween!
-- trentpmcd (Trent McDonald)
Way back in Nineteen-O-Nine
They lived in a tent and were fine.
But they'd only come out
when the locals would shout,
"Hey! That guy's a chick! and she's mine!"
-- reberclark, AKA “soup”
Of flamenco guitar and of dancin',
Three gay caballeros tried chancin'
a trio-type act
but an auto-didact
stole their show - you can see it in Branson.
-- reberclark, AKA “soup”
'Twas Tommy and Harry and Fred
Came singin' and playin', then said,
"We're really exotic!
and somewhat erotic!
And all of our kids are inbred!"
There once was a city named Branson,
Missouri with singin' and dancin'.
Its stars were all older
But had that odd smolder
Of fires usually kindled by prancin'.
Ladies, Gents, one and all see our trio -
We're the fabulous group called Con Brio!
With a stomp and a click
And a strum without pick
We will knock off your socks 'fore you flee-oh
-- Alan Perkins
We will knock off your socks 'fore you flee-oh
To Iceland, New York, or to Rio
Our playing is grand
And our little band
Gets ovations spelled B-R-A-V-O!
How DARE you reduce us to limericks!!
Can't you see we're three talented dimwits??
We can DANCE! We can PLAY!
And as for rumors we're....... a tad effeminate;
Those arose from our fondness for shin licks!
-- DDW (Danny Williams)
Hear us sing songs like O Sole Mio
Tell your friends, bring your old uncle Theo
Join the dance in our tent
(No we're not really bent!)
You can leave once you've drunken your tea-oh.
-- Alan Perkins
In your tea we have put a wee dram
That might leave your life in a jam.
Its properties exhibit
(and do not inhibit)
Expressions from "My God!" to "Damn!"
With things like "shin licks(!)" notwithstanding
Our honor is somewhat demanding.
Our act represents,
(but its better "in tents")
A bi-ling-u-al understanding!
There once was a woman named Peace
Whose war against boredom released
A flood of desire
To take her art higher
Then all her doubts totally ceased!
Aww Karen that's lovely to hear
That the limericks filled you with cheer
If you like you can use 'em
But please don't abuse them
Or Soupy might chomp on your ear!
-- Alan Perkins
I dare him to chomp on my ear!
His sharp fangs inspire no fear!
I'm encased in a metal
And in such fine fettle
That nothing could chill my good cheer!
A can opener even would not
Put a dent in my armour well-wrought
If he'd make a soup of me
Better add water
Than scratch at my soup can for naught!
And even with water, say I.
He'd be disappointed -- know why?
I'm primordial! elusive!
Archetypal! reclusive! --
Too dissolute already am I!
-- KE Peace
Oh, I'll never chomp on her ear.
She's too much a lady, I fear.
I'm meek as a lamb,
And smoked like a ham,
And like to eat beignets with beer.
hey "soup" i'm no lady i fear,
i lack polish, charisma and cheer!
i can swear like a sailor
and paid a good tailor
to sew a tuxedo this year.
- KE Peace
There is a young tubist named Turner,
Who (many say) is a slow learner.
He drinks kerosene
and plays "Mannin Veen"
While igniting his horn's afterburner.
Word of the Week Limerick-fest
KE Peace suggested our word for the week:
Alacrity is defined as:
1. cheerful readiness, promptness, or willingness:
I thought this word exemplified a trait often seen among the members of this forum. There is a great deal of music in the Listening Room done with alacrity. Thanks Karen for this week's word.
And feel free to volunteer some of your favorite words for an upcoming Word of the Week.
I once met a girl who was pretty,
And I made for her one special ditty.
It sang to her heart,
"Let the party now start!"
I gained a lass and alacrity!
Originally Posted by Garritan
***And feel free to volunteer some of your favorite words for an upcoming Word of the Week.
Here are my recondite candidates:
- monotreme and
There once was a hermit saxicolous
With a monotreme pet quite meticulous
When it laid a strange egg
It waxed orphic and said,
“Its rugosity’s most serendipitous!"
- ke peace
Here is my favourite limerick:
A tiger by taste anthropophagous
Felt a yearning within his oesophagus;
He spied a fat Brahmin,
And growled 'What's the harm in
A peripatetic sarcophagus?'
- Wordsworth book of limericks
- post from Alan Perkins
Originally Posted by reberclark
Suggestions for Word of the Week:
Sosnowski grabs the Wheell
Why, these are all such common words. Just the other day, bemoaning the ravages of age and eptless diet, I said to my health-conscious friend, Gary...
I'm highly recalcitrant and suffering a total disinclination toward consuming pizza and beer any longer -- they're two leading causes of ictus and a subsequently decrepitudinous state. Why, last time I did that, the sphygmomanometer showed my blood pressure at 220/197! Not to mention,
beer plays on me like a fruity philtre, leaving me curiously enamored of grenadilla and scuppernong grapes... when, of course, rather than consuming grapes and passionflower, I should be drinking a healthy malt wort.
Originally Posted by KE Peace
Nah. Showing off would be using all the words in one
sentence of 22 words or fewer. Any takers?
-- David Sosnowski
Oh dear! ... when i was a software engineer, the best way for my boss to get me to do something was to state that it "could not be done"... and I was thenceforth a captive. This is nowhere near as eloquent as your offering, but it's at least syntactically sound... almost
Recalcitrant disinclinations toward pizza and the philtre beer, causes of ictus-induced decrepitudinous sphygmomanometers readings, enamours me of granadilla, scuppernong and wort.
- KE Peace
When I was contracting as a software engineer if someone told me it could not be done, I upped my rate before doing it. Motivation all round...
- Tony Monaghan
Yeah, my strategy remains about there. First I tell 'em it's impossible, then how much it will cost.
- David Sosnowski
"Alacrity, alacrity, there's nothing like alacrity,
There never was a word of such deceitfulness and swacrity."
- T. S. Idiot
In theory there's no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is.
There was a young man named Reber
For CoMB waited forever
With limerick, our dear poet
patiently waited while he wrote it
While so doing his rhymes were quite clever
After weeks and weeks
And enduring sore cheeks
When the package arrived
He exclaimed, "I'm alive!"
And made music which many a man seeks.
-- Gary Garritan
'Tis the end o' June
And the top o' July -
The mailman wonders
Why I sigh,
When in the box no Concert Band grows
And it seems that Time is static and "froze"
Until the day only Garritan knows
The product is shipping to "regular Joes."
So idle I sit,
My thumbs all a-twiddle,
My GPO knit
With a Harp and a Fiddle
Awaiting the day when it will appear.
With sections of trumpets and horns will I hear
The ruffle and flourish of ensemble winds
A glorious big compilation of dins.
And yet with an oboe, a flute or a sax
And very close managing of their attacks,
Releases and phrasing and all of the rest,
I'm sure to make music - for that is my quest.
O! For a fine package of Helicon fire!
O! For killer Trumpets with heat and desire!
O! For Saxes and Tubas and Horns!
O! To make music and no longer mourn!
At that time of day when the Mailman appears,
I wait with my eyes open - and both my ears
Maybe today it will finally be mine
That package from Gary for two thirty nine!
You clever shark
'tis time you know it
that you're quite a poet
What is its fate?
Concert / Marching band is late
And we patiently wait
For NI to get it straight
The printing is spun
And the beta is done
When the masters arrive
Then we soon can go live.
It just seems so wrong
that the wait's been this long
But soon it will be here
and then we can cheer.
The beat of a drum
Will cure your glum
The euphonium's zest
Will curl hair on your chest
With sousaphones tootin'
And winds hi-flutin'
And many horns ablaze
will be sure to amaze
Wherever you tread
You'll be one step ahead
Soon, us musical marauders
Will have our marching orders
n Gary Garritan
There once was a man - Garritan
Whose mind conceived of a plan
To market good noises
To girls and to boyses
Through a software concern that he ran.
They greeted these sounds with such glee
That they brought the whole world to its knee
Then entered NI
And some time it passed by
And they wondered "is it them or's it me?"
But the software was soon all repaired
And the company stood up and stared
At its great conceivement
And glorious achievement
Of the accolades they had ensnared!
Superheroes, Musical Pets and Other Mischief
ü Things To Do In An Elevator
1 When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Smile, and go back for more.
3) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
4) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
5) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
6) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
7) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
8) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
9) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
10) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
11) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
12) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
13) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
14) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
15) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
I forgot where I heard this limerick before. Eh, hammyway -
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.
One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too!
The once was a girl from Japan
whose limericks just wouldn't scan.
If you asked her why
she would say, with a sigh,
"It because I always put as many words in the last line as I possibly can!"
- G. Rudolph
My wife and I have two dogs (Beagle/Lab mixes) named Ruby and Sweetpea. When we went to bed last night, the pups decided that it was time to start barking. I noticed during their yammering that they were barking in rhythm. Almost as a contrapuntal composition. Their barks were also at several different pitch levels.
Next came the howling, and man, I swear that they were howling in Major and and minor thirds. And of course, inevitably, one of them continued to howl while the other went bark to the contrapuntal, rhythmic barking.
I wish I had recorded it, because it was awesome. Maybe we could have yet another GPO add-on (GPH: Garritan\'s Personal Housepets)
Oh by the way, you should hear our cat Fluffy play my keyboard while I'm trying to compose.
n Johnny Lost
Originally Posted by Garritan
Nine Reasons To Becom an Evil Super Villain...
1. You will have more friends
I can't feed the ones I have already. And they drink my beer.
2. You get to laugh maniacally
I do that anyway.
3. All of a sudden, you will have the budget for all kinds of toys
I can't even figure out my VCR. More toys, I don't need.
4. Hot chicks dig evil guys
And my wife knows how to use a shotgun.
5. You will be safe from everyday accidents
I'm insured. That's how I make my living.
6. You don’t have to worry about anyone killing you
Except my wife (see 4. above).
7. You can kill anyone you want
A hobby of mine for years, already. So is taxidermy.
8. You get to dress how you want
Do I even have to comment on that one?
9. No matter how weak you are, you will be more than a match for any hero facing you
Three bowls of lentil soup, and I am anyway.
An Unevil Unsuperhero
-- Dave Sosnowski
For those not familiar with the Super Heros, last year the GPO League of Super Friends was formed dedicated to truth, justice and the betterment of sampling. The Super Friends are members of this forum with extraordinary abilities. Here is the original thread: http://www.northernsounds.com/forum...ead.php?t=26148
Since that time more members joined the forum who must be inducted into the GPO League of Super Friends. It would be great to make Beach, Sean, Navidson, etLux, MovieMaestro and other superheros too! If you would like to join, please send me a small headshot of yourself and we'll make you into a superhero.
To infinity and beyond....
Meet the Super Heros:
Top Left to Right: Falcon Stefan soars above rest and his powers come directly from GPO which transforms his energy into bolts of inspiration. Plugman David - The mastermind behind GPO Studio has the super ability to create and command VST plugins and hosts. The Incredible Hulk Maddux - whose powerful arrangements will make anyone green with envy. The ever-vigilant Archangel Jeannot can eliminate evil from any sample, Houston "The Thing" is solid like a rock. Beneath that super-strong rocky exterior lies a heroic and lovable heart. Jonny Lantern - Armed with a special MIDI ring which allows him to do super film scores. When you find youself in danger, just call for Garth the Super Chicken! (puk, ack!), Shazvald the Viking - His principal weapon is the enchanted hammer, one of the most formidable weapons known to man or god.
Middle Left to Right: Boy Wonder Zack who is ready to assist in the fight for good music. Super Francesco - Able to leap tall orchestrations in a single bound, Andy-lastic Man - One of the world's greatest super-hero orchestrators and conductors who can easily mold and form arrangements of his choosing. Professor G, Radio-Actively Man Christopher can broadcast beams of hypnotic radio signals, AquaBrian2112 with his amazing ability to command trout, Batman Burrell heroic creature of the night who spends his time helping others.
Bottom Left to Right: The Punisher Jeff - As judge, jury, and executioner, he's a new kind of vigilante out to wage a one man war against those who have done wrong to the sample industry, Cyclops Klaren possesses the mutant ability to post to the forum from his eye, the wonderful and incomparable Joker Styxx, Brian Wolveroney is a musical mutant with a number of enhancements such as the ability to hear things other musicians cannot and his retractable knives in his forearms that allow him to give a cutting performance, Flash Haydn - The super fast demo maker, Wonder Danielle - Virtuous Amazon Queen wields the Lasso of Truth and can do almost anything, Dan the Torch - This super hero is hot! And his demos are sure to make you melt.
In a recent conversation, Mr. Garritan informed me that he is ardently looking for ways to fill his current free time.
A while back, many of the regular forum participants (they participate regularly, that is--in all other aspects these individuals are slightly to extremely irregular) were converted into FORUM SUPERHEROES (FSH), the most successful and striking of which was Snorlax the Euphoniuman, visible above.
Since the original granting of FSH status, a number of new posters have appeared and could be eligible for FSH status. The more you post, the more Gary knows about you and can create an FSH to fit your face and your personality. I'd say, aside from Snorlax the Euphoniuman, my favorite is Larry G. Alexander's FSH as Popeye--100% dead-on!!!
Send Gary a sample of your head (I guess that means a photo) and let him go to town and make you into an FSH.
BTW: The term "HERO" here is 100% gender-neutral...ALL members may be granted FSH status.
Apply now...Gary needs something to fill the time
A Proud First-(or so)-Generation FSH...
PS: the original thread elicited numerous responses revealing a love for Spandex. If this describes you, please do apply.
Jim Williams (snorlax)
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. Girlfriend 7.0 came with the program Sexual
Favors 2.0 and the program ran beautifully and I used it quite frequently.
When I upgraded to Wife 1.0 it automatically deleted that program and I
have been trying to reinstall it with no success.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 ,
but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is
just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I hate to tell you this but Sexual Favors 2.0 cannot be used
under the Wife 1.0 operating system but works great with Perfect Wife 3.5
which is an almost impossible program to find. I suggest installing the
background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3., Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will
cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
sat him down
to write a little ditty
With his Mac
and mouse at hand
his music is so pretty
And now he's groovin'
with the gang
the one called Garritan
We wish him well
and hope he finds
our rep is one we're meritin'
Originally Posted by qccowboy
well, I want to thank everyone who is participating.
it's making me feel both guilty and terribly, terribly happy at the same time.
When a good man catches a beautiful goat, all the men smile.
- Polish Proverb
Hmmm. That seems to lose a little in the translation; but, hey,
you get the general idea, I'm sure... when one does well, we all
The matter of goats aside, I'm sure every one of us is smiling
with you. – Dave
And "when a bad goat catches a beautiful woman, all the goats smile"
-- Ancient Greek Proverb
- KE Peace
Eat the Music
INGREDIENTS IN A SAUCE
A Very Brief Suite for Woodwind Quintet
By David J. Sosnowski
I. Olive Oil
Place three tablespoons of virgin olive oil in a small sauce pot and heat
gently on very low heat. Add a quarter cup of basil, and let it soak in
the oil for five minutes as the oil warms.
Add a quarter cup of diced garlic, and turn up the heat a little, until the
oil barely begins to bubble.
Then add one-half cup of onions and sauté gently for about five minutes
or until the onions just begin to brown.
Add two pounds of (canned or fresh) crushed tomatoes. Bring to a gentle
boil; then reduce the heat to a very low simmer for about an hour, stirring
Remove from heat and allow the sauce to rest for a bit; then it's ready to
serve over the pasta of your choice.
n Dave Sosnowski