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Topic: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

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  1. #1

    OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Received from a [male] writer friend today:

    Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.

    When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

    Can you please help?
    Sincerely, Sheila



    Dear Sheila: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

    I hope this helps.
    -Walter
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha! What a riot!
    Styxx

  3. #3

    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Ah, I remember seeing this a while ago, still hilarious!!

    Wait a sec... in the original article I saw the advisor was "Miriam" ... who changed it to Walter, changed the story, and proliferated it through the web?

    Oh wait, Snopes says its fake anyway! Not sure which version came first... still funny though!
    Sean Patrick Hannifin
    My MP3s | My Melody Generator | my album
    "serious music" ... as if the rest of us are just kidding

  4. #4

    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    lol brilliant!

  5. #5

    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Well, I can't speak for Sheila, but I believe it helps with a problem I've been having. Many thanks to Walter.

  6. #6
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    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    I'm just nodding with a beer in hand, waiting for the punchline... Yep.

  7. #7

    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Quote Originally Posted by Garritan View Post
    I'm just nodding with a beer in hand, waiting for the punchline... Yep.
    Oh come on Gary. Isn't the humour obvious?

    Walter is clearly useless at tailoring his advice to the given audience. He should have realised there is no way a Sheila was going to be able to check on all those parts. More to the point he forgot to ask whether she stalled after hitting a stationary object, or whether she'd filled a diesel engine with petrol. Rookie columnist.
    David

  8. #8

    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Quote Originally Posted by Pingu View Post
    Oh come on Gary. Isn't the humour obvious?

    Walter is clearly useless at tailoring his advice to the given audience. He should have realised there is no way a Sheila was going to be able to check on all those parts. More to the point he forgot to ask whether she stalled after hitting a stationary object, or whether she'd filled a diesel engine with petrol. Rookie columnist.

    ROTFL!
    _____________________
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Styxx's Avatar
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    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Hmm, I dunt know why but this reminds me of my first date. We went to the drive in to see Jaws. I asked my date if she wanted to move to the back seat and she answered; "I would rather stay up her with you."
    Styxx

  10. #10

    Re: OT: Humor: Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

    Quote Originally Posted by Styxx View Post
    Hmm, I dunt know why but this reminds me of my first date. We went to the drive in to see Jaws. I asked my date if she wanted to move to the back seat and she answered; "I would rather stay up her with you."
    I think it's all in the style of delivery, Styxx
    (At least she preferred sitting next to you than being alone and that's a step in the right direction, methinks....)

    which brings me to....

    Karen's Blind Date Nightmares

    There are very few of these, because I hate blind dates. I hate dates in general (except the kind that come in a box in the supermarket, which unlike the other kind, are very tasty ). Dates make me nervous because naming them as such always seems to indicate that something, dictated by the Department for Standardization of Mating Behavior (DSMB), is expected to happen. (Expectations make me edgy, too So does the acronym DSMB, for some reason I can't quite grasp....).

    I don't date. I might go someplace with someone, but that does not constitute a date in the sense of part 1.2 of the DSMB's Standardized Manual of Dating (SMD). It constitutes "going someplace with someone". I do that with alot of people and it's fun. "Fun" is the opposite of "date".

    The first was in high school, where I agreed to do a friend a favor and go to the senior prom with a friend of his whose girlfriend had ditched him just before the prom, poor guy. So we're in the car all gowned and corsaged and tuxedo'ed up. Just for clarity, I wore the gown and he wore the tuxedo (those who know me and my friends well enough know that is not necessarily obvious -- everyone knows I love a good tuxedo, and some of my guy friends are, well, a little "different" )

    So, my friend told me this guy played the organ, and quite well. I figured that would be a good conversation starter. So it went something like this:
    "So, Jerry tells me you play the organ!?" "Yep." [awkward pause] "Um, so... what music do you like to play?" [awkward pause, imagine you are a gearshift and you're grinding away, hoping to make it to second and aren't sure it's going to happen...] and so went the whole evening, grinding and lurching and stalling, conversationally speaking. The guy was very shy and wounded to boot. totally understandable, really.


    Then there was the one where I wished I had been in the back seat (without the guy). A friend in Florida who I visited to be in her wedding party set me up with a friend of her fiance, saying he'd take me to a movie. That sounded nice, and very hospitable, since I was new there and didn't know anyone. So this guy takes me to an X rated movie in a drive-in theater. Leagues behind Jaws. "uh-oh", I thought. Things went downhill from there. Details unnecessary....yechhh!

    "I wanna be.......... da-DAH! [beat] your sledge hammer! da-DAH!"
    --Peter Gabriel

    At that point, I didn't want someone to be my sledgehammer, I just wished I had one.

    Karen
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