The road of the elderly isn't an easy one, Jon; I well know, myself,
from caring for my 88-year-old mother. Still, I think these folks
are made of different matter than we are... their resilience and
their will to endure is often astonishing.
I'll be sure to put in a good word in my nightly meditations, my friend!
Well, Jon, I can understand your feelings about the hospital. But, I can assure you that your visit would mean a lot to your grandma. There are times when a visit from a loved one can be the best possible therapy. A hip fracture in an elderly person can be quite serious, and she can use all the support she can get. Even if she is not so old, it will not be an easy time, and she will feel so much better if you can manage a visit.
Very easy for me sitting here to give you advice, but I would like to encourage you to take the plunge and visit her in hospital.
There are several reasons why I would encourage you to do it:
- As Richard said, it would mean a great deal to her, especially with what you have said about your relationship with your parents.
- If she suffers complications and ends up passing away, you will have a much harder time dealing with it and with yourself. You will have to live with that for the rest of your life.
- Childhood events loom large in our memory, and only by facing our fears can we unshackle ourselves from our own demons. By visiting her, you will have a major victory and in so doing, your confidence will grow and other problems will be more easily vanquished. To me this is a major point and one that I have had to learn personally.
- Hospitals have continued to improve, and while you know this mentally, you may not have made that mental connection with modern hospital and Grandma, instead juxtaposing past experience with modern hospital and coming to the wrong conclusion about what to expect.
- Your memory is playing tricks on you - what was a very traumatic experience will be much easier now to deal with. I know this from personal experience.
Now, how do you do it without stressing out!?
My advice is to completely see it from your Grandmother's perspective. Think only of her and your Grandpa and that it has fallen on you to do this Act of Love. This is like the old adage of "don't look down". In this case, "down" is within. Look out and see the world through the eyes of your grandparents and see yourself in that light. You are no longer the scared child, you are their grandson, their lifeline, your grandma's knight in shining armor.
Good luck to you Jon.
lots of prayers and good wishes coming your way.
What you are doing is a great gift to your grandparents -- handling all those "details" -- especially the ones that are very difficult for you.
Everyone handles these sorts of situations differently -- please do NOT feel bad that you are having a hard time with the hospital. Many people have a hard time with them, and often people prefer to remember loved ones as they were in better times; that is natural. You are doing much in your own way -- each to his or her own gifts and talents.
There are other ways to let your grandma know you are thinking of her -- flowers, cards, phone calls, or just your own internal thoughts and prayers. And of course, taking care of all these details and phone calls, which is one of the most difficult, thankless and least visible of tasks.
Please take very good care of yourself first, too.
I just read the other posts, all beautiful. And if, as Alan suggests, you do visit her, I can tell you that he is right, it would mean alot.
At the same time, give yourself space and don't judge yourself for this difficulty, either. You may find that giving yourself that compassion and space might actually make it easier to visit her if and when you feel like you are able to do so without undue distress.
I don't know that I can share any different wisdom greater that what the caring people in this wonderful community have already expressed. This is a battle that you have to fight yourself but I would suggest that you read carefully the kind words of advice already offered.
From a personal standpoint - 4 1/2 years ago I fell and broke my hip. At the time, I had just started on a new medication which was causing me to frequently black out when I got up and it happened when I went to bring in the mail. Long story short, I spent 29 days in the hospital. Hospitals are often lonely places in spite of the number of caring people there (doctors, nurses, aides, etc.) The times which really, really brightened my days were when my family came to see me, especially the time my son brought my (then) 4 year ols grandson to visit me.
Family is important - keep that in mind. Life is short so cherish every opportunity to express your love to your grandmother. It sounds as if she is a special lady to you. Let her know that. It will help speed her healing.
And we shall keep you in our prayers as well.
Personally, I'm waiting for caller IQ.
Looks like its down to you to sort things out.
You absolutely must go and see her, if anything happens to her you'll regret it for ever. You don't like hospital, NOBODY likes hospital, but you can go home afterwards, she can't.
It might be a time to resolve the situation with your parents even if temporarily until things pan out, you might need their support.
Things may come and things may go but the art school dance goes on forever
NOW WITH Cubase 5, JABB,GPO, Fender Strat, Ibanez RG, Yamaha Fretless Bass, Framus Archtop, The Trumpet and Mr T Sax, together with GREEN SEALING WAX
You have our prayers, Jon. Grandparents are very special people.
Have prayed, and will continue. - Schneb