These are stories and test questions accumulated by music Teachers in the state of Missouri, circa 1989. Source: Missouri School Music Newsletter.
* It is important to be able to reach the brakes on any piano.
* Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to Make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
* It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the Neck and shake him in rhythm.
* My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play, People hardly ever play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
* I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would Tomorrow or Friday be best?
* The plural form of musical instrument is known as orchestra.
* Tubas are a bit too much.
* A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only the opposite.
* The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
* The flute is a skinny-shape- high-sounded instrument.
* Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word used by many Player-types.
* Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time Gets to be the conductor.
* The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.
* For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every Line of flute music. You just watch.
* The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits In the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a Person is elected
concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn How to play a violin real good.
* Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument? Answer: Yes.
* Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.
* A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
* Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!
* Question: What are kettle drums called? Answer: Kettle drums.
* When electric currents go through them, guitars start making Sounds. So would anybody.
* The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and Bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.
* While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
* A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
* Another name for kettle drums is timpani. Or else you can just Stick with the first name and learn it good.
* Instruments come in many sizes, shapes and orchestras.
* You should always say 'chili' when you mean there are two or More cellos.
* A tuba is much larger than its name.
* A harp is a nude piano.
* My favorite composer is Opus.
* My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
* Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
* Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long Ago.
* Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people Were happy.
* A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps On the odium.
* Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice And said he would go a long way. So that's why he came to America.
* I know what a sextet is but I'm not allowed to say.
* Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.
* When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any Passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it From hurting.
* In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda who is the one He really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all Live happily ever after.
* An opera is a song of bigly size.
* Aaron Copland is one of your most famous contemporary Composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most Composers do not live until they are dead.
* Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever Heard of.
* Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so Deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even When everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so Good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
* Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was Rather large.
* John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present.
* A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
* Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you Better not try to sing.
* Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.