There are some spots that are real gems in this guy.
A few of my thoughts:
I love the chorus. The only thing that is kinda hard for me is the diminished chord and some other of the harmonies built on top of a bass note. Sometimes I wand a G/ F# but you wrote a D/ F#. That's probably confusing.
The intro takes me back until the 2 measures before singing. I thought of my theory teacher playing through the circle of 5ths. :-) I'm really not trying to be overly critical, but I'm not sure the intro creates a doorway for people to start singing confidently; what is the key? I think about the arrangement of O Church, Arise that we used a little while back and how the interlude and the intro didn't sound like the verse/chorus and how that makes it harder to sing confidently on the verse because I'm not sure exactly where I stand tonally in the music. Does that make sense?
I love that you treated this totally differently than I do.
I like the middle section because it breaks the "routine" of the hymn.
I love how you wrote some "breath" into the hymn by throwing in some mixed meter! Way to go on the use of the 2/4 measures!
Keep working on it and keep me posted. When you feel like you ready to hear what a real (as opposed to computer) orchestra sounds like let me know and let's see if we can find some rehearsal time to give it a run-through.